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General Parenting
Single Mom being challenged by Teen Son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 567657" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ok, well, you've just hit upon something interesting that my mother used to point out. She said that parents who are abusive to their kids have kids who basically bend over backwards to get their approval, even though they will never get it and even though they are being treated horribly. Kids have an intrinsic need to get parental approval. I have adopted kids and the social workers tell me that even if the mother has almost killed the child, almost every child screams "Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" when they are removed or have to separate. They mourn for the abusive parent because it is their parent anyway. He feels safe that you love him. It's a compliment, in a sense...</p><p>If we are good to our kids and they know we love them, they are more apt to treat us like crapola. Not in all cases, of course, but it's common. Your boy is trying hard to get approval and love from a man who can't give it and it is very sad. One day he will probably figure out that it's not worth it, but it takes a long time. </p><p>(((Hugs))). Keep posting and keep us updated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 567657, member: 1550"] Ok, well, you've just hit upon something interesting that my mother used to point out. She said that parents who are abusive to their kids have kids who basically bend over backwards to get their approval, even though they will never get it and even though they are being treated horribly. Kids have an intrinsic need to get parental approval. I have adopted kids and the social workers tell me that even if the mother has almost killed the child, almost every child screams "Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" when they are removed or have to separate. They mourn for the abusive parent because it is their parent anyway. He feels safe that you love him. It's a compliment, in a sense... If we are good to our kids and they know we love them, they are more apt to treat us like crapola. Not in all cases, of course, but it's common. Your boy is trying hard to get approval and love from a man who can't give it and it is very sad. One day he will probably figure out that it's not worth it, but it takes a long time. (((Hugs))). Keep posting and keep us updated. [/QUOTE]
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