I am glad the things I wrote helped, Strength. Knowing we are not the only ones such terrible, shaming things have happened to, knowing there seem to be steps to the destructive courses the kids are following, helps me find a place to stand up from. It is hard to maintain a sense of competence in the face of it all. Yet, at the same time we are being just blown away by the pain, we are expected to have answers, to somehow know what is happening and where we all are going. Just like is happening this morning for Child of Mine, we lie awake at night, trying to grow courage for what's coming next.
And in the morning? Off to work. The difference between what it is and what it looks like is crazy-making.
It's so hard; such a hard thing.
One of the most helpful things I have ever been told is Recovering's "Envision your child in the palms of God's hands."
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Recovering, I will make a separate post. Mostly, I am feeling broken down a little.
Too much loss, too much shame. I wish no one knew.
I wish I did not have to know.
This is actually a phase of healing, a time when I will come away able to not talk about what it feels like, anymore.
I have been in this place, before.
Cedar
