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So Angry at All the Lying, Stealing and Sneaking
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 271820" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Frustrating, isn't it? That's why I really push people to recognise their own 'expertness' in their child's health care team, and to keep working on therapists to either convince us that what they're doing is valid and the way to go, or to take on board what we're trying to tell them aboiut our children and in so doing, come up with strategies that are going to deal with the basic problems and not just the superficial secondary issues.</p><p></p><p>As for the re-birthing techniques - controversial and not necessarily endorsed by the mainstream. Often with good reason. If you go for something like this in the wrong case you can make them worse. Also, the person may have suffered some neglect or problems surrounding their birth or early care, but we are each the sum of our complex background and experiences, it is nnot just the early experiences that can be "fixed" be going through it all again (and in so doing, 'wiping it all out') because it is what we layer over the early problems afterwards that also add to the problems. That doesn't get dealt with. And sometimes what even an expert claims to be the problem, is still wrong and can lead to some big mistakes.</p><p></p><p>Example - after difficult child 3 was born, only a couple of weeks after we had been through some horrendous lethal bushfires, I went into Post-Traumatic Stress. At first it was assumed to be Post-Natal Depression, I had to fight to get the right sort of help. Doctors wanted to put me on antidepressants which would have been a huge mistake. I wasn't depressed, I was ANGRY. I wanted to find the people responsible for ALL my pain, and tear them to pieces. Meanwhile I was getting flashbacks of both the fires, and the delivery (which had been bad).</p><p>However - I had a baby I adored and who was so very easy. He was a darling, I was coping well with him. I was losing the post-baby weight by eating muesli, a recipe I had brought home from the hospital courtesy of the hospital dietician. I ate muesli any time of the day after I'd breastfed the baby.</p><p>Then I got what seemed to be a gastric bug. Diarrhoea and nausea. Abdominal pain and bloating. Really bad. husband had it too, then he got better. But I didn't. Of course I stopped all dairy while I had the gastric bug, and it got better. Then I went back to eating muesli, and I got sick again. I finally figured out tat I had been so sick, I had lost my ability to digest lactose in the milk. But the psychiatrist I was seeing for the PTSD said that the problem was not milk, but the muesli recipe I'd brought form the hospital, because it was associated with the baby's birth and that my body was reacting to it and giving me the gastric symptoms psychosomatically. Again, antidepressants would fix me. I said no. Eventually I stopped seeing the shrink (I felt he wasn't helping me enough, I needed someone more willing to help me dig deep and not simply sit there and doodle).</p><p>I tried the museli again, but reacted. I tried leaving out this ingredient or that, but I was just getting too sick so I stopped the muesli permanently plus all dairy for months and took calcium tablets instead.</p><p></p><p>Years later, I found that the problem ingredient was rolled oats. I now eat my own muesli recipe still based on that original one from the hospital dietician, but substituting puffed brown rice for the rolled oats. And I'm OK!</p><p></p><p>Sometimes even the obvious diagnosis from the top shrinks, can still be wrong. Sometimes the answer can be unexpected. Always keep an open mind and never stop asking questions.</p><p></p><p>Also where possible, be up front with the experts and tell them what you think. Discuss. Ask for their opinion but also ask them to explain things to you so you understand. If they disagree with you, ask them to refute your arguments so you can accept the new arguments. If you can't agree but they think there could be merit in what you say, ask if together you can develop a strategy worth trying out. </p><p>The down side to this, is you are setting yourself up as an equal expert, which measn that you have to step up to the plate as fellow researcher 9your child being the research project) and you have to take comprehensive and unbiased notes on the outcomes of any mini-experiments you carry out. You must report faithfully, fully and openly to your fellow-researchers (ie the therapists) in order to continue to maintain a functional stragety or conversely, to move in a different and hopefully more productive direction.</p><p></p><p>You need to understand scientific hypotheisis and scientific method.</p><p></p><p>Current therapist's hypothesis - that your stepson merely needs more personal time with his father and tat this will fix the problems.</p><p></p><p>Your observation appears to refute this - the amount of time that stepson seems to need is disproportional and frankly cannot be met; it is impractical, which implies tat the original hypothesis needs to be re-examined and possibly refined. It was a good initial working hypothesis, but has now been found wanting. YOU need to put forward some possibilities for a new hypotheis, as well as a possible experimental procedure.</p><p></p><p>Example - new hypothesis could be that difficult child is blaming his neediness on a belief that he just needs more time with his dad. However, there is something else, either the current instability of custody etc or earlier confusion/neglect which is making difficult child feel that husband time will fix it. And the solution - ask the therapist how such a problem could be addressed, how would you try to help someone who has a deeper problem like this. But if possible, the first stage in trying to deal with such a problem, any problem, is information and communication. Talk to difficult child, ask about his feelings, teach him to get in touch with his feelnigs and to find ways to express them which are acceptable and manageable. This is therapist territory, but it requires some work from the therapist which he may not be comfortable with. Whata the therapist is currently doing, is much more "by the numbers" andas long as parents don't challenge it, the therapist will continue to follow as 'we think this is working" because he's not getting any information to the contrary.</p><p></p><p>How do experts learn? How do ideas change? Because sometimes people insist on there being another look at the problem.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 271820, member: 1991"] Frustrating, isn't it? That's why I really push people to recognise their own 'expertness' in their child's health care team, and to keep working on therapists to either convince us that what they're doing is valid and the way to go, or to take on board what we're trying to tell them aboiut our children and in so doing, come up with strategies that are going to deal with the basic problems and not just the superficial secondary issues. As for the re-birthing techniques - controversial and not necessarily endorsed by the mainstream. Often with good reason. If you go for something like this in the wrong case you can make them worse. Also, the person may have suffered some neglect or problems surrounding their birth or early care, but we are each the sum of our complex background and experiences, it is nnot just the early experiences that can be "fixed" be going through it all again (and in so doing, 'wiping it all out') because it is what we layer over the early problems afterwards that also add to the problems. That doesn't get dealt with. And sometimes what even an expert claims to be the problem, is still wrong and can lead to some big mistakes. Example - after difficult child 3 was born, only a couple of weeks after we had been through some horrendous lethal bushfires, I went into Post-Traumatic Stress. At first it was assumed to be Post-Natal Depression, I had to fight to get the right sort of help. Doctors wanted to put me on antidepressants which would have been a huge mistake. I wasn't depressed, I was ANGRY. I wanted to find the people responsible for ALL my pain, and tear them to pieces. Meanwhile I was getting flashbacks of both the fires, and the delivery (which had been bad). However - I had a baby I adored and who was so very easy. He was a darling, I was coping well with him. I was losing the post-baby weight by eating muesli, a recipe I had brought home from the hospital courtesy of the hospital dietician. I ate muesli any time of the day after I'd breastfed the baby. Then I got what seemed to be a gastric bug. Diarrhoea and nausea. Abdominal pain and bloating. Really bad. husband had it too, then he got better. But I didn't. Of course I stopped all dairy while I had the gastric bug, and it got better. Then I went back to eating muesli, and I got sick again. I finally figured out tat I had been so sick, I had lost my ability to digest lactose in the milk. But the psychiatrist I was seeing for the PTSD said that the problem was not milk, but the muesli recipe I'd brought form the hospital, because it was associated with the baby's birth and that my body was reacting to it and giving me the gastric symptoms psychosomatically. Again, antidepressants would fix me. I said no. Eventually I stopped seeing the shrink (I felt he wasn't helping me enough, I needed someone more willing to help me dig deep and not simply sit there and doodle). I tried the museli again, but reacted. I tried leaving out this ingredient or that, but I was just getting too sick so I stopped the muesli permanently plus all dairy for months and took calcium tablets instead. Years later, I found that the problem ingredient was rolled oats. I now eat my own muesli recipe still based on that original one from the hospital dietician, but substituting puffed brown rice for the rolled oats. And I'm OK! Sometimes even the obvious diagnosis from the top shrinks, can still be wrong. Sometimes the answer can be unexpected. Always keep an open mind and never stop asking questions. Also where possible, be up front with the experts and tell them what you think. Discuss. Ask for their opinion but also ask them to explain things to you so you understand. If they disagree with you, ask them to refute your arguments so you can accept the new arguments. If you can't agree but they think there could be merit in what you say, ask if together you can develop a strategy worth trying out. The down side to this, is you are setting yourself up as an equal expert, which measn that you have to step up to the plate as fellow researcher 9your child being the research project) and you have to take comprehensive and unbiased notes on the outcomes of any mini-experiments you carry out. You must report faithfully, fully and openly to your fellow-researchers (ie the therapists) in order to continue to maintain a functional stragety or conversely, to move in a different and hopefully more productive direction. You need to understand scientific hypotheisis and scientific method. Current therapist's hypothesis - that your stepson merely needs more personal time with his father and tat this will fix the problems. Your observation appears to refute this - the amount of time that stepson seems to need is disproportional and frankly cannot be met; it is impractical, which implies tat the original hypothesis needs to be re-examined and possibly refined. It was a good initial working hypothesis, but has now been found wanting. YOU need to put forward some possibilities for a new hypotheis, as well as a possible experimental procedure. Example - new hypothesis could be that difficult child is blaming his neediness on a belief that he just needs more time with his dad. However, there is something else, either the current instability of custody etc or earlier confusion/neglect which is making difficult child feel that husband time will fix it. And the solution - ask the therapist how such a problem could be addressed, how would you try to help someone who has a deeper problem like this. But if possible, the first stage in trying to deal with such a problem, any problem, is information and communication. Talk to difficult child, ask about his feelings, teach him to get in touch with his feelnigs and to find ways to express them which are acceptable and manageable. This is therapist territory, but it requires some work from the therapist which he may not be comfortable with. Whata the therapist is currently doing, is much more "by the numbers" andas long as parents don't challenge it, the therapist will continue to follow as 'we think this is working" because he's not getting any information to the contrary. How do experts learn? How do ideas change? Because sometimes people insist on there being another look at the problem. Marg [/QUOTE]
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