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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 725069" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>I fought the advice offered by others for years. I was sure my daughter was different. I used excuses that she was mentally ill and couldn't help herself. That the drugs were just for self-medication. I thought all that I had to do was find the right doctor . . . the right medications . . . the right treatment center . . . the right sober living facility. . . and I would be able to fix her.</p><p></p><p>It turned out that it wasn't mine to fix. Someone on the board posted a meme that said "Not my circus, not my monkeys." It's true. We are not the ones that are responsible for our children's choices or behaviors. My therapist kept telling me that my daughter was going to do whatever she wanted to do and there wasn't anything I could do to change that.</p><p></p><p>So, slowly, agonizingly, I came around. I learned to stop falling for the tears and manipulation. I couldn't change my daughter but I could change myself. And I did. I learned to set firm boundaries and stick to them. I was willing to let my daughter go if I had to.</p><p></p><p>But by letting her go, I found her again. Once she realized that my husband and I were truly done falling for her tricks and wouldn't rescue her anymore, she changed her life. She went back into a treatment program, lived in a sober living house for a year, became totally involved with her 12-step group, found a wonderful sponsor, and now is a sponsor for others. She worked hard to repair the relationship with us which was fractured by her drug use. Even her sister has come around and is slowly (but cautiously) re-establishing a relationship.</p><p></p><p>When my daughter got sober, the supposed personality disorder(s) disappeared. All of her behaviors were due to addiction. She does take an anti-depressant and a non-addictive anti-anxiety drug but she is definitely not borderline or bi-polar which were among her many diagnoses while actively using. Every doctor or therapist she saw diagnosed her with something different.</p><p></p><p>The truth is that many of the so-called mental illnesses "disappear" when people get sober. It is virtually impossible to diagnose a mental illness while people are actively using drugs. The symptoms overlap too much.</p><p></p><p>So what I guess I am trying to say is that no one finds the board and things get instantly better. Everyone takes baby steps . . . sometimes two steps forward and one step back . . . to reach the point where we learn that we are the ones that have to change and accept that we can't change anyone else's behavior and choices.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 725069, member: 1967"] I fought the advice offered by others for years. I was sure my daughter was different. I used excuses that she was mentally ill and couldn't help herself. That the drugs were just for self-medication. I thought all that I had to do was find the right doctor . . . the right medications . . . the right treatment center . . . the right sober living facility. . . and I would be able to fix her. It turned out that it wasn't mine to fix. Someone on the board posted a meme that said "Not my circus, not my monkeys." It's true. We are not the ones that are responsible for our children's choices or behaviors. My therapist kept telling me that my daughter was going to do whatever she wanted to do and there wasn't anything I could do to change that. So, slowly, agonizingly, I came around. I learned to stop falling for the tears and manipulation. I couldn't change my daughter but I could change myself. And I did. I learned to set firm boundaries and stick to them. I was willing to let my daughter go if I had to. But by letting her go, I found her again. Once she realized that my husband and I were truly done falling for her tricks and wouldn't rescue her anymore, she changed her life. She went back into a treatment program, lived in a sober living house for a year, became totally involved with her 12-step group, found a wonderful sponsor, and now is a sponsor for others. She worked hard to repair the relationship with us which was fractured by her drug use. Even her sister has come around and is slowly (but cautiously) re-establishing a relationship. When my daughter got sober, the supposed personality disorder(s) disappeared. All of her behaviors were due to addiction. She does take an anti-depressant and a non-addictive anti-anxiety drug but she is definitely not borderline or bi-polar which were among her many diagnoses while actively using. Every doctor or therapist she saw diagnosed her with something different. The truth is that many of the so-called mental illnesses "disappear" when people get sober. It is virtually impossible to diagnose a mental illness while people are actively using drugs. The symptoms overlap too much. So what I guess I am trying to say is that no one finds the board and things get instantly better. Everyone takes baby steps . . . sometimes two steps forward and one step back . . . to reach the point where we learn that we are the ones that have to change and accept that we can't change anyone else's behavior and choices. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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