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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 509661" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Dear Vligrl,</p><p>As far as driving him to school is concerned, I'm getting the impression that he's not all that interested in enhancing his education at this point. It's probably more for socializing than for future self-sufficiency. I think that ship has sailed for now. He needs to stop using. Have you drug tested him? See what the other folks on the board think, but I'd do a hair sample test just to see what he's been using. Also, if he doesn't do his own laundry, make his own meals, I'd start expecting at least that from him. Every one in a family has to contribute, and he should definitely have responsibilities. We would disconnect the wireless internet at 10PM every night when we went to bed (it was set up in our room) so he couldn't stay on Facebook, etc. all night. They can sometimes tap in to neighbors' routers, but it didn't matter - we held our bottom line. We got an alarm system and set it at night so we'd know if he snuck out. If he said he needed the internet for school, we'd say, too bad, you should've done your homework already. It didn't really change anything, but it doesn't make their life easy, either. You're not at war with your child - though it feels that way. You need to just set healthy boundaries and you're already doing that. But remember, he's an adult, not a minor, and you do not have to have him there - it is at your discretion. You can put the brakes on school for now, give him the option for treatment, and if he declines, then you can have him leave. The amazing thing to me is, they are incredibly clever when it comes to scoring drugs, and getting over on people, and they have the survival instinct of a rat, and they can construct elaborate oratories to defend their activities but we worry so much about them not being able to "handle" the necessary things in life, like work and school and self-sufficiency. They're not that dumb - they will catch on eventually.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 509661, member: 13882"] Dear Vligrl, As far as driving him to school is concerned, I'm getting the impression that he's not all that interested in enhancing his education at this point. It's probably more for socializing than for future self-sufficiency. I think that ship has sailed for now. He needs to stop using. Have you drug tested him? See what the other folks on the board think, but I'd do a hair sample test just to see what he's been using. Also, if he doesn't do his own laundry, make his own meals, I'd start expecting at least that from him. Every one in a family has to contribute, and he should definitely have responsibilities. We would disconnect the wireless internet at 10PM every night when we went to bed (it was set up in our room) so he couldn't stay on Facebook, etc. all night. They can sometimes tap in to neighbors' routers, but it didn't matter - we held our bottom line. We got an alarm system and set it at night so we'd know if he snuck out. If he said he needed the internet for school, we'd say, too bad, you should've done your homework already. It didn't really change anything, but it doesn't make their life easy, either. You're not at war with your child - though it feels that way. You need to just set healthy boundaries and you're already doing that. But remember, he's an adult, not a minor, and you do not have to have him there - it is at your discretion. You can put the brakes on school for now, give him the option for treatment, and if he declines, then you can have him leave. The amazing thing to me is, they are incredibly clever when it comes to scoring drugs, and getting over on people, and they have the survival instinct of a rat, and they can construct elaborate oratories to defend their activities but we worry so much about them not being able to "handle" the necessary things in life, like work and school and self-sufficiency. They're not that dumb - they will catch on eventually. [/QUOTE]
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