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Substance Abuse
So confused
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 509676"><p>Hi Vligirl,</p><p></p><p>I sent you a PM message....mentioning it here in case you have figured out PM messages yet.</p><p></p><p>A couple of other thoughts....</p><p></p><p>As far as the car and driving... I think the question is way beyond liability... you don't want the emotional awfulness if he was to get into an accident and kill someone. We went through this worry with our son... allowed him to drive when we were drug testing him and made sure whenever he came home he seemed sober. However when things were bad we would not let him drive. Problem is we began to realize we couuldn't always tell when he was using or not, we discovered he found ways to get around drug tests. At one point he was stopped for driving 60+ in a 30 mile hour zone... they found alcohol in the car. They did test him to see if he was DUI and he was not so he did not get charged with that... however given the unsafety of what he was doing we stopped letting him use the car. Then for awhile we had a tracking thing on the car so we could see where he was going... this was to let him drive to and from work and only that. Thing was we saw him driving to work, idling the car, etc. etc. and we figured out he wasn't working but instead meeting up with friends there!!! The kid would get around us every way he could. So given what I know now I think you should not let him drive the car as long as you know he is using....and yes I probably would drive him to and from school for a bit until I got his grades.... if he was failing his classes that would be the end of that.</p><p></p><p>The other hard truth about kids and drug use is that as parents we rarely know the extent of their drug use. They tell us enough so that we will believe them but it is usually worse than we think. And there are ways to cover up the smell etc.... and so often we did not know how much or how often our difficult child was using. And like someone said later on we found all kinds of evidence when we cleaned out his room... for our difficult child it was a lot of robitussen bottles, and some alcohol as well.</p><p></p><p>I think the main thing to really look at is behavior. There are kids who can occasionally smoke pot or drink and have very successful lives. Of course there are many who can't do it at all. So I would look at your sons behavior and motivation and use that as your guide.</p><p></p><p>You may have seen my story or parts of it in other threads on this site... but my son is now 20... been in and out of rehab and has been in another state. He is finally back in rehab after he was kicked out of his 3rd sober house and we cut off all financial support and he was on the streets for several days. It is a tough tough road but my sense is sometimes the only thing and the best thing we can do is to get tougher and not put up with thier drug use. </p><p></p><p>I wish i had gotten tougher sooner than I did.... but of course that is in hindsight.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 509676"] Hi Vligirl, I sent you a PM message....mentioning it here in case you have figured out PM messages yet. A couple of other thoughts.... As far as the car and driving... I think the question is way beyond liability... you don't want the emotional awfulness if he was to get into an accident and kill someone. We went through this worry with our son... allowed him to drive when we were drug testing him and made sure whenever he came home he seemed sober. However when things were bad we would not let him drive. Problem is we began to realize we couuldn't always tell when he was using or not, we discovered he found ways to get around drug tests. At one point he was stopped for driving 60+ in a 30 mile hour zone... they found alcohol in the car. They did test him to see if he was DUI and he was not so he did not get charged with that... however given the unsafety of what he was doing we stopped letting him use the car. Then for awhile we had a tracking thing on the car so we could see where he was going... this was to let him drive to and from work and only that. Thing was we saw him driving to work, idling the car, etc. etc. and we figured out he wasn't working but instead meeting up with friends there!!! The kid would get around us every way he could. So given what I know now I think you should not let him drive the car as long as you know he is using....and yes I probably would drive him to and from school for a bit until I got his grades.... if he was failing his classes that would be the end of that. The other hard truth about kids and drug use is that as parents we rarely know the extent of their drug use. They tell us enough so that we will believe them but it is usually worse than we think. And there are ways to cover up the smell etc.... and so often we did not know how much or how often our difficult child was using. And like someone said later on we found all kinds of evidence when we cleaned out his room... for our difficult child it was a lot of robitussen bottles, and some alcohol as well. I think the main thing to really look at is behavior. There are kids who can occasionally smoke pot or drink and have very successful lives. Of course there are many who can't do it at all. So I would look at your sons behavior and motivation and use that as your guide. You may have seen my story or parts of it in other threads on this site... but my son is now 20... been in and out of rehab and has been in another state. He is finally back in rehab after he was kicked out of his 3rd sober house and we cut off all financial support and he was on the streets for several days. It is a tough tough road but my sense is sometimes the only thing and the best thing we can do is to get tougher and not put up with thier drug use. I wish i had gotten tougher sooner than I did.... but of course that is in hindsight. TL [/QUOTE]
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