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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 673708" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Mili62, glad you made it over to P.E.</p><p>I am truly sorry for your loss, it is so tragic to have your oldest son pass in a motorcycle crash while volunteering for toys for tots. One doesn't think this sort of thing is going to happen. It must have been devastating for all of your family.</p><p>I am also very sorry for your situation with your 29 year old.</p><p> This is not acceptable behavior, even for a child. Your son is an adult, is he living in your home?</p><p> You sound like you have a good start on what is going on. When we get stuck in enabling, it is filling a need within ourselves. Most times it is hard to see that, but you do. I tried to help my two, who's behavior got worse and worse. It didn't start out that way, just sort of snuck up on us, and before we knew it, started escalating. We began with good intentions, as you have, but it all kind of blew up in our faces.</p><p>There is a way out Mili62, we do not have to be stuck on the wrong path.</p><p>Here is an article that has helped me. I continue to read and reread it.</p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/</a></p><p></p><p>So, loving detachment is key, to help us with our adult d cs.</p><p>He has been violent and verbally abusive to the point where your husband wants a TRO. It is hard to do such a thing with our own adult d cs, but in your case, it is more than justified. His behavior is very disrespectful and unacceptable. Why should anyone have to fear your son, in your own home? No matter what the underlying problem is, it is not good, for you or for him. Can you imagine how the rest of his life would look like if he really hurt the both of you?</p><p>It is the same with our two, the more indecent behavior we took, the more they dished out. It turned to breaking into our house, stealing from us and having an attitude of entitlement. It was a mess.</p><p> From what you have described, it does not sound like your son will stop this behavior anytime soon. So, it is up to you to stop it. Stop putting up with his adult tantrums, put your foot down and take steps to correct the situation.</p><p></p><p>I would be careful, and make sure you are safe, being that he has already been violent and abusive. Do you have family who could help you? There is a rise in adult children abusing parents. </p><p>Make sure you have a well thought out plan, for your safety.</p><p></p><p>It is not right, what you are going through Mili62. I do so hope you can get the support you need to take care of this challenge.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting here, there are many caring folks who have been in similar circumstances.More will come along and post.</p><p>You have value, and deserve to have peace in your home and in your life.</p><p></p><p>You are not alone. Please take care.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 673708, member: 19522"] Hi Mili62, glad you made it over to P.E. I am truly sorry for your loss, it is so tragic to have your oldest son pass in a motorcycle crash while volunteering for toys for tots. One doesn't think this sort of thing is going to happen. It must have been devastating for all of your family. I am also very sorry for your situation with your 29 year old. This is not acceptable behavior, even for a child. Your son is an adult, is he living in your home? You sound like you have a good start on what is going on. When we get stuck in enabling, it is filling a need within ourselves. Most times it is hard to see that, but you do. I tried to help my two, who's behavior got worse and worse. It didn't start out that way, just sort of snuck up on us, and before we knew it, started escalating. We began with good intentions, as you have, but it all kind of blew up in our faces. There is a way out Mili62, we do not have to be stuck on the wrong path. Here is an article that has helped me. I continue to read and reread it. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/[/URL] So, loving detachment is key, to help us with our adult d cs. He has been violent and verbally abusive to the point where your husband wants a TRO. It is hard to do such a thing with our own adult d cs, but in your case, it is more than justified. His behavior is very disrespectful and unacceptable. Why should anyone have to fear your son, in your own home? No matter what the underlying problem is, it is not good, for you or for him. Can you imagine how the rest of his life would look like if he really hurt the both of you? It is the same with our two, the more indecent behavior we took, the more they dished out. It turned to breaking into our house, stealing from us and having an attitude of entitlement. It was a mess. From what you have described, it does not sound like your son will stop this behavior anytime soon. So, it is up to you to stop it. Stop putting up with his adult tantrums, put your foot down and take steps to correct the situation. I would be careful, and make sure you are safe, being that he has already been violent and abusive. Do you have family who could help you? There is a rise in adult children abusing parents. Make sure you have a well thought out plan, for your safety. It is not right, what you are going through Mili62. I do so hope you can get the support you need to take care of this challenge. Keep posting here, there are many caring folks who have been in similar circumstances.More will come along and post. You have value, and deserve to have peace in your home and in your life. You are not alone. Please take care. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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