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***So How Did Everybody Do?***
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar II" data-source="post: 110327" data-attributes="member: 4391"><p>That's where we are, too. </p><p></p><p>Although I have to say Suz, that it never occurred to me to EXPECT a gift.</p><p></p><p>You are on the same page as my husband on this one.</p><p></p><p>He is on a slow burn about the lack of resposibility regarding presents, birthday cards, and phone calls.</p><p></p><p>I think I am still just traumatized enough by everything that has happened that just hearing difficult child's voice without that telltale zippiness in it that indicates he is drugging it up hot and heavy is enough.</p><p></p><p>But you are right.</p><p></p><p>There is no reason for us not to expect a decent standard of behavior from our sons and daughters. Whether they meet the standard or not is no reason for us to be content with less.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, experience has taught me that I would be foolish to rely on difficult child to make me proud, or to behave toward me in a way that would leave me feeling cherished or special.</p><p></p><p>Most times, just the opposite.</p><p></p><p>Another loss.</p><p></p><p>Another place that needs to be healed.</p><p></p><p>Still, it's been so long since I have anticipated anything more....</p><p></p><p>I think the nearer truth for me is that I am learning (very well, too) to create celebrations having nothing to do with difficult child. I missed him fiercely at one time.</p><p></p><p>Now?</p><p></p><p>It would be very uncomfortable if he were to come home.</p><p></p><p>My son is someone I talk to on the phone.</p><p></p><p>A good conversation means there is nothing desperate going on, nothing I have to come here for strength just to survive it, or for words to say to get through it without finding myself destroyed in the process.</p><p></p><p>So it was a good Christmas in that sense, Suz.</p><p></p><p>I am neither so innocent nor so vulnerable as I was, once. </p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar II, post: 110327, member: 4391"] That's where we are, too. Although I have to say Suz, that it never occurred to me to EXPECT a gift. You are on the same page as my husband on this one. He is on a slow burn about the lack of resposibility regarding presents, birthday cards, and phone calls. I think I am still just traumatized enough by everything that has happened that just hearing difficult child's voice without that telltale zippiness in it that indicates he is drugging it up hot and heavy is enough. But you are right. There is no reason for us not to expect a decent standard of behavior from our sons and daughters. Whether they meet the standard or not is no reason for us to be content with less. On the other hand, experience has taught me that I would be foolish to rely on difficult child to make me proud, or to behave toward me in a way that would leave me feeling cherished or special. Most times, just the opposite. Another loss. Another place that needs to be healed. Still, it's been so long since I have anticipated anything more.... I think the nearer truth for me is that I am learning (very well, too) to create celebrations having nothing to do with difficult child. I missed him fiercely at one time. Now? It would be very uncomfortable if he were to come home. My son is someone I talk to on the phone. A good conversation means there is nothing desperate going on, nothing I have to come here for strength just to survive it, or for words to say to get through it without finding myself destroyed in the process. So it was a good Christmas in that sense, Suz. I am neither so innocent nor so vulnerable as I was, once. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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