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So it's over for good
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 732598" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks again Copa, for such a kind, thoughtful and way too true post. It startled me, because it mirrored my thoughts so well. Can't tell you how many times I would ask and answer certain questions.</p><p></p><p>Why did she even come back???</p><p></p><p>Because she needs to hate me, for reasons she doesn't understand and that I don't know for sure either. But certainly it had to do with my mother.</p><p></p><p>I have also asked myself if she is a nice person who just doesn't like me? And when I was younger I would despair...is it really ME?</p><p></p><p>I have seen her be nice. I have seen her treat me, my brother and my grandmother with cruelty. Not with quickly come/quickly gone anger that melts and leads to apologizing and realizing it was bad behavior. That is more like I once was. I saw her cruelty as more long term and calculated and vicious, with absolutely no show of remorse. If she ever felt remorse, she did not let anybody see it. She rarely cried for how she treated others. Not that anyone saw. The only time I recall her tears were for herself....when her married boyfriend or abusive boyfriend didn't call her. Not for my grandmother who had no idea why she never heard from her youngest granddaughter. Not for her brother whom she shunned for years for embarrassing her by not being handsome enough for her. Never ever to me for bringing the cops to my house repeatedly and treating me like a nobody and bashing me to her friends, although I don't know her friends and do not think they sound like...particularly stable people....still. I'm sure she never told anyone about HER mental illness or bad deeds!</p><p></p><p>So what have I lost?</p><p></p><p>I never had a real sister who respected me. She was another Mother. The same mother who needed a scapegoat for all her own self doubt. You are right. i lost nobody. My mother died years ago and she and Sis's life choices mirror my mother's...clones they are in so many ways. Unable to give their hearts to a significant other who was worthwhile. Unable to say "I was wrong." For me, who spent a good deal of my life eagerly blamingyself for things I deserved to blame myself for and for things that were not my fault, this is foreign to me.</p><p></p><p>You haven't lost anyone either with your sister.</p><p></p><p>Much love and light. You are so kind snd I hope so much that one day IIcan find comforting words for you other than to remind you that your love for those you care for leaps off the pages and certainly M and your son know.</p><p></p><p> Thank you again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 732598, member: 1550"] Thanks again Copa, for such a kind, thoughtful and way too true post. It startled me, because it mirrored my thoughts so well. Can't tell you how many times I would ask and answer certain questions. Why did she even come back??? Because she needs to hate me, for reasons she doesn't understand and that I don't know for sure either. But certainly it had to do with my mother. I have also asked myself if she is a nice person who just doesn't like me? And when I was younger I would despair...is it really ME? I have seen her be nice. I have seen her treat me, my brother and my grandmother with cruelty. Not with quickly come/quickly gone anger that melts and leads to apologizing and realizing it was bad behavior. That is more like I once was. I saw her cruelty as more long term and calculated and vicious, with absolutely no show of remorse. If she ever felt remorse, she did not let anybody see it. She rarely cried for how she treated others. Not that anyone saw. The only time I recall her tears were for herself....when her married boyfriend or abusive boyfriend didn't call her. Not for my grandmother who had no idea why she never heard from her youngest granddaughter. Not for her brother whom she shunned for years for embarrassing her by not being handsome enough for her. Never ever to me for bringing the cops to my house repeatedly and treating me like a nobody and bashing me to her friends, although I don't know her friends and do not think they sound like...particularly stable people....still. I'm sure she never told anyone about HER mental illness or bad deeds! So what have I lost? I never had a real sister who respected me. She was another Mother. The same mother who needed a scapegoat for all her own self doubt. You are right. i lost nobody. My mother died years ago and she and Sis's life choices mirror my mother's...clones they are in so many ways. Unable to give their hearts to a significant other who was worthwhile. Unable to say "I was wrong." For me, who spent a good deal of my life eagerly blamingyself for things I deserved to blame myself for and for things that were not my fault, this is foreign to me. You haven't lost anyone either with your sister. Much love and light. You are so kind snd I hope so much that one day IIcan find comforting words for you other than to remind you that your love for those you care for leaps off the pages and certainly M and your son know. Thank you again. [/QUOTE]
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