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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749256" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Jenna. </p><p></p><p>I do not know much about substance dependence and recovery so I can't say what this means, what this foretells about where this will go.</p><p></p><p>But the question, what to do? How to maintain connection to granddaughter and possibly to get her to live with you? It seems to me that you are navigating extremely difficult waters ably, even though I recognize this is agonizing, trying to stay within the very narrow parameters your daughter allows. </p><p></p><p>On the one hand, I think this is a waiting game. And you are served by staying as neutral as you can, and not reacting. When you do, daughter seems to take aim at you. At the same time, the horribleness of this is that these kids best shot is with Child Protective Services actively involved. I am unclear where daughter stands right now with Child Welfare. Is there an open and ongoing case? Is the family being monitored? Were you the one to call them? If so, does daughter know this? </p><p></p><p>The situation is impossibly hard: Your daughter is drinking, neglecting her children and failing in any way to respond to and treat you as a mother should be treated, despite the fact that you are picking up the slack as best you can to give these children stability and love and attention. Your daughter has retaliated against you and could withdraw your granddaughter even more, and this indeed would be much, much worse. And how sad that granddaughter has lied (against her own interests) due to fear. </p><p></p><p>How does a mother do this? Be an activist in protecting these kids and at the same time stay neutral so that daughter does not punish you by withholding the kids *and at the same time hurt them more? To state the obvious, anybody would be suffering in this situation that is calling for opposite behaviors at the same time. Anybody would be furious and terrified.</p><p></p><p>In my experience here on this forum the task many of us have is bearing a situation over which we have no control. So, in that sense, even though the particulars of our situations are different, they are the same. Often all we can do is: nothing. </p><p></p><p>We pray. We meditate. We go to Al Anon or therapy. And we find activities and friends that energize us and we find contentment and meaning in ways that we can. We learn to live life along side of the suffering we feel in spite of it. I wish I had more to say than that, for you and for me, and all of us here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749256, member: 18958"] Hi Jenna. I do not know much about substance dependence and recovery so I can't say what this means, what this foretells about where this will go. But the question, what to do? How to maintain connection to granddaughter and possibly to get her to live with you? It seems to me that you are navigating extremely difficult waters ably, even though I recognize this is agonizing, trying to stay within the very narrow parameters your daughter allows. On the one hand, I think this is a waiting game. And you are served by staying as neutral as you can, and not reacting. When you do, daughter seems to take aim at you. At the same time, the horribleness of this is that these kids best shot is with Child Protective Services actively involved. I am unclear where daughter stands right now with Child Welfare. Is there an open and ongoing case? Is the family being monitored? Were you the one to call them? If so, does daughter know this? The situation is impossibly hard: Your daughter is drinking, neglecting her children and failing in any way to respond to and treat you as a mother should be treated, despite the fact that you are picking up the slack as best you can to give these children stability and love and attention. Your daughter has retaliated against you and could withdraw your granddaughter even more, and this indeed would be much, much worse. And how sad that granddaughter has lied (against her own interests) due to fear. How does a mother do this? Be an activist in protecting these kids and at the same time stay neutral so that daughter does not punish you by withholding the kids *and at the same time hurt them more? To state the obvious, anybody would be suffering in this situation that is calling for opposite behaviors at the same time. Anybody would be furious and terrified. In my experience here on this forum the task many of us have is bearing a situation over which we have no control. So, in that sense, even though the particulars of our situations are different, they are the same. Often all we can do is: nothing. We pray. We meditate. We go to Al Anon or therapy. And we find activities and friends that energize us and we find contentment and meaning in ways that we can. We learn to live life along side of the suffering we feel in spite of it. I wish I had more to say than that, for you and for me, and all of us here. [/QUOTE]
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