Thanks, Origami. I certainly wasn't tough at first. But I have been consistently in therapy and have had many psychiatrists and other mental health professionals. Every single one of them, and they are all different, told me the same thing...for all these years...it is NOT healthy for yourself or your grown child to have me taking care of him. Period. It may feel good to me short-term because then I feel like I'm loving him up, but in the end, he will only get worse if I keep doing it and be less eager to grow up.
I'm so glad I had such wise teachers. My difficult child would be far worse without their words. At least he has held a steady job since at least age 21, is a responsible father, and pays his child support, and he is doing much better than I dreamed. He has never been in jail which is a miracle. In fact, although he has been known to lie in the past, he is getting more honest and says he no longer steals. For him that is huge. His worst episodes are when he is going through stress. Then he is unbearable, mean, vicious, like a two year old, as if it is my fault. But during calm times...much less than I thought it would be.
There is a syndrome called "learned helplessness." It is when your adult child never learns how to thrive on his own. This happens even when there is not mental illness. And those who are mentally ill, unless they are psychotic, can learn to be perfectly independent and capable of taking care of their illness.
If you rent, does your landlord even know how many of you are in his place? Is there even room for all those people? I rent. If anyone moves in, I have to notify the landlord and our rent goes up. The landlord would not allow two more adults and two kids to move in. Are you putting your housing at risk? Dang it, YOU MATTER TOO!!!!
I think you should listen to your easy child girls. They are probably fed up with both of their brothers and maybe you too.
All I can say is, you must do what you must do. Perhaps one day you will learn to value your own life as well as the lives of others.
