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<blockquote data-quote="CDN_DAD_in_tough" data-source="post: 704713" data-attributes="member: 21175"><p>oops...can't edit the above so I'll carry on here.</p><p></p><p>So, in a general sense living with my 15 yr old son is essentially close to unbearable. His daily operations take place with absolutely no concern for anyone who might share space with him. Outrageously foul rap music played at a volume loud enough for anyone else at home to hear (and militant refusal to turn it down no matter how polite the request), up at all hours of the night fixing food or doing things like hanging posters on his walls and so forth with no effort to be quiet so others can sleep. 30 or more minutes spent taking a shower every morning when there's a need to hurry. No effort whatsoever to maintain his space - laundry (dirty or clean) tossed in piles on the floor, dirty dishes and food containers and leftover food sitting where ever he happens to put it down, up every night till 2 or 3 watching netflix or youtube (but oh lord just try and cut the wifi!) or scrolling through his chats on his phone. Living with no boundaries at all - such that my wife put locks on her and my younger son's bedroom doors to keep him out. Often bringing his friends over without permission and basically terrorizing her for hours. My wife has been living in his world for several months now and like I said, she's got no fight left in her. She has devolved from being concerned about him to pretty much just hating him and wanting him gone. Since school started this year it's been his responsibility to get himself ready and get there (she starts work early as mentioned). That"s a responsibility he is in no way capable of (or even interested in) achieving so he sleeps till noon every day and gets to school in time for his afternoon gym class. In the meantime my younger boy stays with me most school nights and I get him to school. He's an easy going kid (and great student) who so far exhibits none of his older brother's traits and I'd like to keep it that way - we are keeping an eye on him and have counseling in place to help deal with anything that might arise. </p><p></p><p>Well...a week ago my wife went out for an evening with friends leaving my son at home on his own. That's a questionable decision on her part but how can you live your life in those circumstances and not ever go out and take a break? She arrived back home fairly late to find my son had decided to throw a bit of a howler and her house was full of strangers and pretty much trashed. I got the call at 2 am from the friend she was with - all hell is breaking loose...can she bring him to my place for the night? Of course I said yes. He's been with me since.</p><p></p><p>Previous to that we had been trying to figure out what to do next to try and ease the situation and had actually been planning to have him escorted by police to the local children's hospital for evaluation. We'd been under the impression that having gotten a request in writing from his GP for such was all that was needed to do so. Wrong. The night of the party when he was dropped off with me I decided it was time to carry that out and I called the police. They didn't arrive till 6am and informed me that I actually needed to go through a much more involved process in order for them to take him in so that didn't happen. So, he stayed with me this past week...and it was OK for the first couple of days. My job is such that I can actually get him up and drive him to school and I'm willing to do that. </p><p></p><p>However (and unsurprisingly) every day has been a little more difficult to do so. He's so hard to get moving - takes forever and refuses to hurry at all. every morning I start a little earlier and every morning I get to work a little later. On top of that, the remainder of any given day is nothing but stress and uncertainty. Is he going to be where he's supposed to be at any given time or has he found a group of friends to hang with and get stoned? He has no money as we are afraid to give him any so whatever dope he's taking he's bumming from his so-called friends. I was dreading - literally dreading - the weekend because I honestly didn't know how I was going to manage him. I can't leave him home alone with my elderly parents (who are very concerned about him and worried about him but certainly can't handle him and also fear what he might be capable of) as I just don't even trust him alone in my small basement "apartment" if you'd call it that. I also don't trust him with a key to their house. So if he isn't at school, he either has to be with me at work (family business so I can actually manage that but it's tricky) or he's off on his own who knows where doing whatever. </p><p></p><p>well, in the end things went a different way. Friday morning, after an hour of politely trying to get him moving so I could get him to school and me to work, and faced with his brick wall of resistance and outright defiance...I just snapped. I couldn't face it another day. I shut off the wifi and took his phone (things we have done in the past at times) and when he started fighting me to get it back I had the police called again and I told them he needed to go. </p><p></p><p>He'll be back with me early next week, but I'm hoping (praying) this might be a "come to jesus" moment for him and he'll finally give in and accept therapy and accept some basic rules of living because the next step for me if he can't/won't is that he's gone for good. I don't want him gone...last night was awful as I worried about him in a strange place...but I can't live with him as he is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CDN_DAD_in_tough, post: 704713, member: 21175"] oops...can't edit the above so I'll carry on here. So, in a general sense living with my 15 yr old son is essentially close to unbearable. His daily operations take place with absolutely no concern for anyone who might share space with him. Outrageously foul rap music played at a volume loud enough for anyone else at home to hear (and militant refusal to turn it down no matter how polite the request), up at all hours of the night fixing food or doing things like hanging posters on his walls and so forth with no effort to be quiet so others can sleep. 30 or more minutes spent taking a shower every morning when there's a need to hurry. No effort whatsoever to maintain his space - laundry (dirty or clean) tossed in piles on the floor, dirty dishes and food containers and leftover food sitting where ever he happens to put it down, up every night till 2 or 3 watching netflix or youtube (but oh lord just try and cut the wifi!) or scrolling through his chats on his phone. Living with no boundaries at all - such that my wife put locks on her and my younger son's bedroom doors to keep him out. Often bringing his friends over without permission and basically terrorizing her for hours. My wife has been living in his world for several months now and like I said, she's got no fight left in her. She has devolved from being concerned about him to pretty much just hating him and wanting him gone. Since school started this year it's been his responsibility to get himself ready and get there (she starts work early as mentioned). That"s a responsibility he is in no way capable of (or even interested in) achieving so he sleeps till noon every day and gets to school in time for his afternoon gym class. In the meantime my younger boy stays with me most school nights and I get him to school. He's an easy going kid (and great student) who so far exhibits none of his older brother's traits and I'd like to keep it that way - we are keeping an eye on him and have counseling in place to help deal with anything that might arise. Well...a week ago my wife went out for an evening with friends leaving my son at home on his own. That's a questionable decision on her part but how can you live your life in those circumstances and not ever go out and take a break? She arrived back home fairly late to find my son had decided to throw a bit of a howler and her house was full of strangers and pretty much trashed. I got the call at 2 am from the friend she was with - all hell is breaking loose...can she bring him to my place for the night? Of course I said yes. He's been with me since. Previous to that we had been trying to figure out what to do next to try and ease the situation and had actually been planning to have him escorted by police to the local children's hospital for evaluation. We'd been under the impression that having gotten a request in writing from his GP for such was all that was needed to do so. Wrong. The night of the party when he was dropped off with me I decided it was time to carry that out and I called the police. They didn't arrive till 6am and informed me that I actually needed to go through a much more involved process in order for them to take him in so that didn't happen. So, he stayed with me this past week...and it was OK for the first couple of days. My job is such that I can actually get him up and drive him to school and I'm willing to do that. However (and unsurprisingly) every day has been a little more difficult to do so. He's so hard to get moving - takes forever and refuses to hurry at all. every morning I start a little earlier and every morning I get to work a little later. On top of that, the remainder of any given day is nothing but stress and uncertainty. Is he going to be where he's supposed to be at any given time or has he found a group of friends to hang with and get stoned? He has no money as we are afraid to give him any so whatever dope he's taking he's bumming from his so-called friends. I was dreading - literally dreading - the weekend because I honestly didn't know how I was going to manage him. I can't leave him home alone with my elderly parents (who are very concerned about him and worried about him but certainly can't handle him and also fear what he might be capable of) as I just don't even trust him alone in my small basement "apartment" if you'd call it that. I also don't trust him with a key to their house. So if he isn't at school, he either has to be with me at work (family business so I can actually manage that but it's tricky) or he's off on his own who knows where doing whatever. well, in the end things went a different way. Friday morning, after an hour of politely trying to get him moving so I could get him to school and me to work, and faced with his brick wall of resistance and outright defiance...I just snapped. I couldn't face it another day. I shut off the wifi and took his phone (things we have done in the past at times) and when he started fighting me to get it back I had the police called again and I told them he needed to go. He'll be back with me early next week, but I'm hoping (praying) this might be a "come to jesus" moment for him and he'll finally give in and accept therapy and accept some basic rules of living because the next step for me if he can't/won't is that he's gone for good. I don't want him gone...last night was awful as I worried about him in a strange place...but I can't live with him as he is. [/QUOTE]
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