Tired,
We are here for you. I understand your pain and missing your son. Our eldest was about 35 when I found CD. It was such a gift to husband and me. Each time I posted, i checked/refreshed the page continually because the posts helped us so much. husband and I were taking such baby steps to climb out of those depths of despair - that we had been in for years!! I would print the responses and read/re-read with my husband. We were in such awe to find this safe place with folks who understood.
It is almost too much to bear, until we practice the advice found here. Move forward, look after yourselves, do something good for yourself each and every day, etc. etc.
Our son has not gotten better. In fact, he has committed (another) felony, stealing thousands from his grandparents --- my mom being the last person on the planet to help him. For years, she felt certain the problem was husband and me. It was maddening, but that story is for another day.
My parents are 86 and 87; this should never have happened. It is ugly and more bad stuff ahead, but thankfully, husband and I are standing strong. Much of the credit for that goes to Conduct Disorders folks.
Please stay with us. Share whatever you feel like, whenever you feel like it. Feel our love and support. We are in this together.
Hugs,
SS
