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Failure to Thrive
Son 22 years old with-no direction
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 708065" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>If he is supporting himself completely, there is really nothing you can do. I would listen and let him figure this out for himself. He may never agree to the mental health treatment you think he needs, or he may get it tomorrow. He may tell you about it, or he may not.</p><p></p><p>He sound so very much like my older brother that it isn't funny. My brother used to go on about how he could not imagine anything worse than life where you had to go in to a 9 to 5 job, or a job in a store where you had a boss telling you what to do for 8 hours a day. My brother worked construction or as a handyman for years. He did okay. He is genius level intelligent with a learning disability in math and adhd, and he has a serious case of wanderlust. I think my parents handled some of it really well. They did bully him through his bachelors, mostly because my brother graduated high school 2 months after he turned 16 and he was partying a LOT and they did NOT want to be responsible for that. So they insisted on some strict rules. Then they encouraged him to go and travel. </p><p></p><p>He didn't want to be tied down to a regular job, so they told him to look for jobs that were not traditional. My brother worked in the national forests clearing trails. He was a guide for hikers in the national forest in Idaho. He worked with hunting outfitters in Idaho and Montana and a couple of other places. He worked in Antarctica and met Sir Edmund Hilary. He has been all over the world and had incredible, amazing adventures. </p><p></p><p>He was not always safe. Our parents don't know even half the stuff he got up to. Heck, I probably don't know half and they don't know half of what I do. He is now a recovering alcoholic, but at least he is in recovery. Getting him there was not a fun chapter. Especially not the part where I told my mother what I knew about his drinking and drugging. Which was way more than I wanted (I was the staid, non-partying, boring sibling who got married and had kids and kept her husband and all that stuff).</p><p></p><p>The good news? In his LATE 40s my brother settled down. He had a big crisis in his early-mid 40s and ended up divorced with a daughter. He now works for the local university, is completing his Masters, got on medication for his adhd and his psychiatrist talked him into counselling. He even went into anger management, realized that it helped so he stayed with the men's group just to be sure he wouldn't slide into bad habits. He really shocked the local DV center because when he joined they thought he was one of the more hardcore cases. </p><p></p><p>So it may take a while, and your son may not have a traditional life. But he might have some incredible adventures. I hope and pray that the addiction is NOT in his life. It was something my brother had to deal with. But my brother has a very full life of amazing adventures to look back on. One thing that did help my brother greatly was that he blew off college at one point and my parents told him to go live on what he was making at his minimum wage job. He didn't want to, so he joined the Army. We were not at war then, thankfully. My brother grew up a LOT then, and got to see Germany. He was fluent in German, and truly enjoyed his time there. I don't know if your son would make that choice, but I do know having my parents tell him to go live on what he earned was a very good thing for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 708065, member: 1233"] If he is supporting himself completely, there is really nothing you can do. I would listen and let him figure this out for himself. He may never agree to the mental health treatment you think he needs, or he may get it tomorrow. He may tell you about it, or he may not. He sound so very much like my older brother that it isn't funny. My brother used to go on about how he could not imagine anything worse than life where you had to go in to a 9 to 5 job, or a job in a store where you had a boss telling you what to do for 8 hours a day. My brother worked construction or as a handyman for years. He did okay. He is genius level intelligent with a learning disability in math and adhd, and he has a serious case of wanderlust. I think my parents handled some of it really well. They did bully him through his bachelors, mostly because my brother graduated high school 2 months after he turned 16 and he was partying a LOT and they did NOT want to be responsible for that. So they insisted on some strict rules. Then they encouraged him to go and travel. He didn't want to be tied down to a regular job, so they told him to look for jobs that were not traditional. My brother worked in the national forests clearing trails. He was a guide for hikers in the national forest in Idaho. He worked with hunting outfitters in Idaho and Montana and a couple of other places. He worked in Antarctica and met Sir Edmund Hilary. He has been all over the world and had incredible, amazing adventures. He was not always safe. Our parents don't know even half the stuff he got up to. Heck, I probably don't know half and they don't know half of what I do. He is now a recovering alcoholic, but at least he is in recovery. Getting him there was not a fun chapter. Especially not the part where I told my mother what I knew about his drinking and drugging. Which was way more than I wanted (I was the staid, non-partying, boring sibling who got married and had kids and kept her husband and all that stuff). The good news? In his LATE 40s my brother settled down. He had a big crisis in his early-mid 40s and ended up divorced with a daughter. He now works for the local university, is completing his Masters, got on medication for his adhd and his psychiatrist talked him into counselling. He even went into anger management, realized that it helped so he stayed with the men's group just to be sure he wouldn't slide into bad habits. He really shocked the local DV center because when he joined they thought he was one of the more hardcore cases. So it may take a while, and your son may not have a traditional life. But he might have some incredible adventures. I hope and pray that the addiction is NOT in his life. It was something my brother had to deal with. But my brother has a very full life of amazing adventures to look back on. One thing that did help my brother greatly was that he blew off college at one point and my parents told him to go live on what he was making at his minimum wage job. He didn't want to, so he joined the Army. We were not at war then, thankfully. My brother grew up a LOT then, and got to see Germany. He was fluent in German, and truly enjoyed his time there. I don't know if your son would make that choice, but I do know having my parents tell him to go live on what he earned was a very good thing for him. [/QUOTE]
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Son 22 years old with-no direction
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