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Son 32 Still lives with parents
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 757033" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Andy,</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you and your wife. We suffer so much at the hands of our adult children and their addictions and poor choices. But what we learn here is that we also have choices. A choice to expose the problem. That's a tough one. For myself, both of my sons have dealt with addictions and currently the older 31 yr. old is making "some" progress but time will tell if he remains consistent in this progress. The younger is almost 27 next month and lives in his car, has been homeless off and on for 3 yrs. Doesn't bath. His vehicle is piled high inside with garbage, blankets etc. He is still "stuck" in his emotional and psychological issues.</p><p></p><p>I have come to realize (most days, unless I slip back into stinking thinking") that this may take a very long time for him to find recovery and it also may never happen. He almost seems to have found his "normal" in this way of living.</p><p></p><p>What I really was trying to get to before I diverted is that for many years when the whole family was together both of my sons really did nothing to better their situations and my husband and I at the time "hid" their problems. We cleaned up their messes, bailed them out and put a band-aid on everything. We had all records annulled to wipe the slate clean. We felt we were helping them so that there would be no obsticles in their way to lead successful lives. We were like a big "eraser" but the joke was on us. Trying to clean up their problems DOES NOT really make them go away it only prolongs the inevidible. </p><p></p><p>I learned in years of Al anon (another secret I held for many years was that my ex-husband of 30 yrs. was a severe alcoholic) that exposing a secret, whether it be alcoholism, drug abuse or some other situation is the beginning of the healing process. It's like taking the big green monster out of the closet. But with that said, it doesn't mean the healing will be an easy or short journey. The important thing is that even if (and this is hard to do) your son doesn't start on the right path for healing, you must begin taking care of yourselves and healing yourselves through self-care.</p><p></p><p>You and your wife must be the change in the situation and can only hope and pray that while you are changing that your son will begin changing.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting, it helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 757033, member: 23405"] Andy, My heart goes out to you and your wife. We suffer so much at the hands of our adult children and their addictions and poor choices. But what we learn here is that we also have choices. A choice to expose the problem. That's a tough one. For myself, both of my sons have dealt with addictions and currently the older 31 yr. old is making "some" progress but time will tell if he remains consistent in this progress. The younger is almost 27 next month and lives in his car, has been homeless off and on for 3 yrs. Doesn't bath. His vehicle is piled high inside with garbage, blankets etc. He is still "stuck" in his emotional and psychological issues. I have come to realize (most days, unless I slip back into stinking thinking") that this may take a very long time for him to find recovery and it also may never happen. He almost seems to have found his "normal" in this way of living. What I really was trying to get to before I diverted is that for many years when the whole family was together both of my sons really did nothing to better their situations and my husband and I at the time "hid" their problems. We cleaned up their messes, bailed them out and put a band-aid on everything. We had all records annulled to wipe the slate clean. We felt we were helping them so that there would be no obsticles in their way to lead successful lives. We were like a big "eraser" but the joke was on us. Trying to clean up their problems DOES NOT really make them go away it only prolongs the inevidible. I learned in years of Al anon (another secret I held for many years was that my ex-husband of 30 yrs. was a severe alcoholic) that exposing a secret, whether it be alcoholism, drug abuse or some other situation is the beginning of the healing process. It's like taking the big green monster out of the closet. But with that said, it doesn't mean the healing will be an easy or short journey. The important thing is that even if (and this is hard to do) your son doesn't start on the right path for healing, you must begin taking care of yourselves and healing yourselves through self-care. You and your wife must be the change in the situation and can only hope and pray that while you are changing that your son will begin changing. Keep posting, it helps. [/QUOTE]
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