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Parent Emeritus
Son 32 Still lives with parents
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 757041" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Andy I'm so sorry for your situation. I have not read all of the replies to your posts. I can see from your posts you have done everything a normal parent would do. You have supported him, which makes us crazy with adult children like ours trying to figure out what is supporting verses what is enabling. What is helpful, what is not. And then it spirals down to thinking we need to do what will keep them alive, just horrible. We shouldn't have to figure that out, we can't. And yeah you have gotten angry with him, from the fear of what he is doing to himself, what he doing to you and your family. That's normal. </p><p></p><p>But what he is doing to himself is not something you have any control over. And the sad truth of it is you cannot keep him alive. I know this is not just a hard pill to swallow but a breathtaking, hearth choking, reality. Something you already know. If things are going to change he needs to reach down into himself to do this, if he does. </p><p></p><p>I can tell you are hoping if the court orders him into rehab he will have no choice and then will have to go through it. But the thing is he will not have to go through it, even court ordered, and even if he does walk through the motions he does not have to have his head in it. Especially if he thinks he can prove he can't and then go back to taking advantage of those he has in the past. You have said he had a good work ethic as a teenager but then he slipped on that. That's good he had that good work ethic back then, bad he went sideways when adulthood came along. Something I can relate to with my son, and many others here. And something my son has proven to me I have no influence over since he's been an adult. </p><p></p><p>From my understanding you have him in your home right now, awaiting a court date after the coronavirus situation is not so restrictive and the courts open up. This is not an easy time for anyone, under the best circumstances. Might I suggest you and your wife, if she is willing, get a counselor who you can meet with online now. An addiction counselor who will help guide you both with how to navigate this now and going forward. This is not something any of us can handle on our own. Also if the counselor doesn't seem like someone who you can connect to, then move on and find another one. That's something that is typical with counselors.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 757041, member: 22840"] Andy I'm so sorry for your situation. I have not read all of the replies to your posts. I can see from your posts you have done everything a normal parent would do. You have supported him, which makes us crazy with adult children like ours trying to figure out what is supporting verses what is enabling. What is helpful, what is not. And then it spirals down to thinking we need to do what will keep them alive, just horrible. We shouldn't have to figure that out, we can't. And yeah you have gotten angry with him, from the fear of what he is doing to himself, what he doing to you and your family. That's normal. But what he is doing to himself is not something you have any control over. And the sad truth of it is you cannot keep him alive. I know this is not just a hard pill to swallow but a breathtaking, hearth choking, reality. Something you already know. If things are going to change he needs to reach down into himself to do this, if he does. I can tell you are hoping if the court orders him into rehab he will have no choice and then will have to go through it. But the thing is he will not have to go through it, even court ordered, and even if he does walk through the motions he does not have to have his head in it. Especially if he thinks he can prove he can't and then go back to taking advantage of those he has in the past. You have said he had a good work ethic as a teenager but then he slipped on that. That's good he had that good work ethic back then, bad he went sideways when adulthood came along. Something I can relate to with my son, and many others here. And something my son has proven to me I have no influence over since he's been an adult. From my understanding you have him in your home right now, awaiting a court date after the coronavirus situation is not so restrictive and the courts open up. This is not an easy time for anyone, under the best circumstances. Might I suggest you and your wife, if she is willing, get a counselor who you can meet with online now. An addiction counselor who will help guide you both with how to navigate this now and going forward. This is not something any of us can handle on our own. Also if the counselor doesn't seem like someone who you can connect to, then move on and find another one. That's something that is typical with counselors. Wishing you the best. [/QUOTE]
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