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Son attempted suicide last night
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<blockquote data-quote="pigless in VA" data-source="post: 707689" data-attributes="member: 11832"><p>susiestar, that is a good idea about triggering Ferb in front of the therapist. It is not one that I would have thought of in my somewhat addled state at the moment. I'm tough, but not made of steel. This incident has triggered a rash of migraines in me that has left me very stupid and not sleeping well.</p><p></p><p>Nomad, I do like your idea of helping Ferb more slowly due to his, for lack of a better term, issues. The big problem is that we plan to move to the farm this summer. I have to sell the house in Richmond. Ferb does not know where he is going to live. I suspect that is a piece of the puzzle that caused the explosion. One of the things he yelled at me was that he'd rather be homeless than move to the farm. Yes, I have a therapist. With a life like mine, it's a necessity like food and water.</p><p></p><p>The police officer brought me the box of shotgun shells and I asked him to remove them from my house. I tossed Ferb's room and found one other strange large bullet thing which I have hidden in the bowels of the shed. I am rather upset that my brother, Mark, gave Ferb the shells years ago. Ferb has been holding on to the idea of using one of them to kill himself for that entire time. I would like to tell my brother that he made a bad decision when he gave my minor son those shells, but SO says Mark will not own it.</p><p></p><p>SWOT, I think blame very squarely falls on my late husband AND his brother. Yes, my husband was ill, but not for our entire marriage. There were multiple junctures at which he could have chosen better mental health and his family over slowly falling into the pit of mental illness. He watched a coworker derail and ruin his life. He knew the coworker was devastating his family. We talked about it.</p><p></p><p>I think there is a power in being mentally ill. A power when your emotions override everything else in your family's life so that YOU are suddenly the focus of everyone's worry, actions, fears, and energy. I think that power is alluring. I had a front row seat watching it slowly destroy my husband, our relationship and our family. There were points at which he was still lucid enough to take a different path.</p><p></p><p>I think, Copa, that for my husband the pull of his birth family was simply far stronger than the love that the two of us shared. There is something about the little town where he grew up that is creepy and depressed and barren. The very land is ugly and decrepit. That is where he grew up. With parents who were steeped in misery, soaking in it like a hot bath. I have recently acquired all of their photo albums since now they are all deceased. I know that is hitting Ferb harder than he likes to admit. It is difficult for me to grasp, but perhaps easier since I witnessed their pathetic lives as an adult.</p><p></p><p>The joy seemed to stop for them around 1995 when my father in law had a stroke. That's where the photo albums end. Before that are photos of family gatherings, trips they took, they seemed nearly normal. I know that they weren't though. My mother in law was a severe alcoholic. The father in law was an enabler. Both my late husband and his brother became substance abusers. They stopped drinking in their 30s, but I think by then the damage to their emotional makeup had cemented. Neither could confront their father on anything from lowering the thermostat to asking him to put their mother into rehab. I think my father in law was a narcissist. I think his two sons never really became their own men. I think my own son is close to getting on the same path of destruction. I think Ferb is struggling mightily against some intense genetic issues. I hope he wins the war, but he is losing a lot of battles.</p><p></p><p>And to make matters even more icky, I am nearly positive that he has an inappropriate relationship with his teacher. I've researched the laws in Virginia, and it isn't illegal. About the only thing I could do would be to hire a private investigator to get to the bottom of it. Or confront her myself. I don't see either as having a positive outcome.</p><p></p><p>Jabber and Lil, the statistics are that if you have a parent who died by suicide, you are 50% more likely to die the same way than the average person. I think for Ferb, that must be to closer to 75% since his uncle and grandmother also died that way.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for your support. As you well know, it means more than anything to have a place to discuss these difficult issues.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pigless in VA, post: 707689, member: 11832"] susiestar, that is a good idea about triggering Ferb in front of the therapist. It is not one that I would have thought of in my somewhat addled state at the moment. I'm tough, but not made of steel. This incident has triggered a rash of migraines in me that has left me very stupid and not sleeping well. Nomad, I do like your idea of helping Ferb more slowly due to his, for lack of a better term, issues. The big problem is that we plan to move to the farm this summer. I have to sell the house in Richmond. Ferb does not know where he is going to live. I suspect that is a piece of the puzzle that caused the explosion. One of the things he yelled at me was that he'd rather be homeless than move to the farm. Yes, I have a therapist. With a life like mine, it's a necessity like food and water. The police officer brought me the box of shotgun shells and I asked him to remove them from my house. I tossed Ferb's room and found one other strange large bullet thing which I have hidden in the bowels of the shed. I am rather upset that my brother, Mark, gave Ferb the shells years ago. Ferb has been holding on to the idea of using one of them to kill himself for that entire time. I would like to tell my brother that he made a bad decision when he gave my minor son those shells, but SO says Mark will not own it. SWOT, I think blame very squarely falls on my late husband AND his brother. Yes, my husband was ill, but not for our entire marriage. There were multiple junctures at which he could have chosen better mental health and his family over slowly falling into the pit of mental illness. He watched a coworker derail and ruin his life. He knew the coworker was devastating his family. We talked about it. I think there is a power in being mentally ill. A power when your emotions override everything else in your family's life so that YOU are suddenly the focus of everyone's worry, actions, fears, and energy. I think that power is alluring. I had a front row seat watching it slowly destroy my husband, our relationship and our family. There were points at which he was still lucid enough to take a different path. I think, Copa, that for my husband the pull of his birth family was simply far stronger than the love that the two of us shared. There is something about the little town where he grew up that is creepy and depressed and barren. The very land is ugly and decrepit. That is where he grew up. With parents who were steeped in misery, soaking in it like a hot bath. I have recently acquired all of their photo albums since now they are all deceased. I know that is hitting Ferb harder than he likes to admit. It is difficult for me to grasp, but perhaps easier since I witnessed their pathetic lives as an adult. The joy seemed to stop for them around 1995 when my father in law had a stroke. That's where the photo albums end. Before that are photos of family gatherings, trips they took, they seemed nearly normal. I know that they weren't though. My mother in law was a severe alcoholic. The father in law was an enabler. Both my late husband and his brother became substance abusers. They stopped drinking in their 30s, but I think by then the damage to their emotional makeup had cemented. Neither could confront their father on anything from lowering the thermostat to asking him to put their mother into rehab. I think my father in law was a narcissist. I think his two sons never really became their own men. I think my own son is close to getting on the same path of destruction. I think Ferb is struggling mightily against some intense genetic issues. I hope he wins the war, but he is losing a lot of battles. And to make matters even more icky, I am nearly positive that he has an inappropriate relationship with his teacher. I've researched the laws in Virginia, and it isn't illegal. About the only thing I could do would be to hire a private investigator to get to the bottom of it. Or confront her myself. I don't see either as having a positive outcome. Jabber and Lil, the statistics are that if you have a parent who died by suicide, you are 50% more likely to die the same way than the average person. I think for Ferb, that must be to closer to 75% since his uncle and grandmother also died that way. Thank you all for your support. As you well know, it means more than anything to have a place to discuss these difficult issues. [/QUOTE]
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