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son back in jail update
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 737977" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Acacia, you're doing the right thing. And, it is hard.</p><p></p><p>You mentioned being parentified as I've been..... that sets us up to be needless and wantless, to have no value except for the care of others, to soldier on no matter the cost to us, to abandon ourselves for others regardless of how much it may harm us.......it's a soul killer on every level.</p><p></p><p>We have to fight those archaic reactions and learn where our own boundaries lie, where our own real SELF is and what that authentic self wants. I made a strong commitment to myself to offer myself self love, self compassion, self acceptance and self forgiveness (for all real or imagined wrong doings). I put myself as the top priority in my life. I began looking out of new eyes. Self love was only a concept to me before. Now it's real. Once I began down that path, I began running as fast as I could because the empowerment to make choices based on what I want as opposed to what others need or want or demand, changed the playing field. I am now a player.......before I was the water boy in life, only showing up if/when someone was thirsty.</p><p></p><p>Regardless of what your other kids say.....don't allow them to sway your thinking......they are not the ones who are victimized by your son, you are. Take a stand for yourself. You matter. Your feelings matter. Stand tall. You've done everything you can for your son. You've done enough. He's an adult man. He needs to man up ........or not, but that's his journey, not yours.</p><p></p><p>I would encourage you to make sure your home is safe while you (and hubby) are away. Will your son remain in jail while you're away? If not, perhaps a house sitter? Asking the police to drive by? An alarm system with cameras? (you can buy those at CostCo fairly inexpensively) All of the above? Protect your home. Don't engage with him. Try to keep all thoughts of him out of your mind. Meditate. Take walks. Do what brings you joy. Practice gratitude. Write in a journal. Do whatever it takes to put your thoughts on you and what makes you happy. Switch the old patterning of enabling and putting your son as the priority. While you're in England with your sister healing, enjoy every moment, put the ruminating about your son away for at least the duration of your trip. Have fun with your husband & your sister. Don't permit your son to take any more of your moments of life and throw them in his toxic soup......grab your life and go live it. As a friend of mine says, "<strong><em>If not now......when?????"</em></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 737977, member: 13542"] Acacia, you're doing the right thing. And, it is hard. You mentioned being parentified as I've been..... that sets us up to be needless and wantless, to have no value except for the care of others, to soldier on no matter the cost to us, to abandon ourselves for others regardless of how much it may harm us.......it's a soul killer on every level. We have to fight those archaic reactions and learn where our own boundaries lie, where our own real SELF is and what that authentic self wants. I made a strong commitment to myself to offer myself self love, self compassion, self acceptance and self forgiveness (for all real or imagined wrong doings). I put myself as the top priority in my life. I began looking out of new eyes. Self love was only a concept to me before. Now it's real. Once I began down that path, I began running as fast as I could because the empowerment to make choices based on what I want as opposed to what others need or want or demand, changed the playing field. I am now a player.......before I was the water boy in life, only showing up if/when someone was thirsty. Regardless of what your other kids say.....don't allow them to sway your thinking......they are not the ones who are victimized by your son, you are. Take a stand for yourself. You matter. Your feelings matter. Stand tall. You've done everything you can for your son. You've done enough. He's an adult man. He needs to man up ........or not, but that's his journey, not yours. I would encourage you to make sure your home is safe while you (and hubby) are away. Will your son remain in jail while you're away? If not, perhaps a house sitter? Asking the police to drive by? An alarm system with cameras? (you can buy those at CostCo fairly inexpensively) All of the above? Protect your home. Don't engage with him. Try to keep all thoughts of him out of your mind. Meditate. Take walks. Do what brings you joy. Practice gratitude. Write in a journal. Do whatever it takes to put your thoughts on you and what makes you happy. Switch the old patterning of enabling and putting your son as the priority. While you're in England with your sister healing, enjoy every moment, put the ruminating about your son away for at least the duration of your trip. Have fun with your husband & your sister. Don't permit your son to take any more of your moments of life and throw them in his toxic soup......grab your life and go live it. As a friend of mine says, "[B][I]If not now......when?????"[/I][/B] [/QUOTE]
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