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Son being released from jail fills me with concerns.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 731426" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Well of course he's angry with you, you didn't swoop in to make everything okay for the mess he created. If anyone has the right to be angry it's you. How dare he expect you to take him and his daughter into your home and what would that look like? You would be the one buying all the food to feed him and his child and most likely you would be the one watching his child while he "looks for a job" and after doing this for 6 months to a year, then what? Perhaps I'm wrong but typically, when a difficult adult child expects to move in with mom, it rarely goes well for mom. I know you know that this is all on him, he created the mess he's in. Of course you're sad, your mommy heart would love nothing more than to be able to swoop in and make everything in his world okay but he's not a three year old that fell down and skinned his knee. The reality is he's a grown man that needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own life.</p><p></p><p></p><p>At 65 you should be living your life for yourself! </p><p>I learned with my son to no longer offer any advice or have an opinion about anything as the result is the same as what you got from your son.</p><p>Your son is 32, it's time he stopped blaming you for the mess he's made of his life. </p><p>My son has also tried blaming me for the mess he's made of his life.</p><p>Here's the thing, at 18 they became adults, they were no longer under our "control" and were free to choose and live the life they wanted to. Your son has had 14 years of being an adult and he's still trying to blame you. </p><p>Acacia, live your life to the fullest without regret or guilt. You deserve to live your life the way you want without the chaos from your son.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Good, I'm glad that you are holding your boundaries. Something that has really helped me with my son is to have some canned answers at the ready for whatever he might ask for, money, help, a place to stay, etc.....</p><p>Son: Mom, I need money really bad</p><p>Me: I'm not able to help you</p><p>Son: You have to, I'm going to starve to death</p><p>Me: I'm not able to help you</p><p>Son: If you loved me you would give me the money</p><p>Me: I'm not able to help you</p><p>Son: I know you have the money why won't you help me</p><p>Me: I'm not able to help you</p><p>Son: You're a cold hearted B****, I hate you</p><p>Me: I'm sorry you feel that way, I love you. Goodbye.</p><p></p><p>One of the most important lessons I've learned is to not engage into a debate as to why I won't give money or help him. I do not owe my son any kind of explanation as to why I won't help him. My finances are none of his business. My home is my sanctuary and is not open for him to invade into my peace.</p><p></p><p>My son will be released from jail late summer early fall this year. I totally get how you feel. I have no doubt that my son will expect me to help him but it's not going to happen.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!! You are stronger than you realize.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 731426, member: 18516"] Well of course he's angry with you, you didn't swoop in to make everything okay for the mess he created. If anyone has the right to be angry it's you. How dare he expect you to take him and his daughter into your home and what would that look like? You would be the one buying all the food to feed him and his child and most likely you would be the one watching his child while he "looks for a job" and after doing this for 6 months to a year, then what? Perhaps I'm wrong but typically, when a difficult adult child expects to move in with mom, it rarely goes well for mom. I know you know that this is all on him, he created the mess he's in. Of course you're sad, your mommy heart would love nothing more than to be able to swoop in and make everything in his world okay but he's not a three year old that fell down and skinned his knee. The reality is he's a grown man that needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own life. At 65 you should be living your life for yourself! I learned with my son to no longer offer any advice or have an opinion about anything as the result is the same as what you got from your son. Your son is 32, it's time he stopped blaming you for the mess he's made of his life. My son has also tried blaming me for the mess he's made of his life. Here's the thing, at 18 they became adults, they were no longer under our "control" and were free to choose and live the life they wanted to. Your son has had 14 years of being an adult and he's still trying to blame you. Acacia, live your life to the fullest without regret or guilt. You deserve to live your life the way you want without the chaos from your son. Good, I'm glad that you are holding your boundaries. Something that has really helped me with my son is to have some canned answers at the ready for whatever he might ask for, money, help, a place to stay, etc..... Son: Mom, I need money really bad Me: I'm not able to help you Son: You have to, I'm going to starve to death Me: I'm not able to help you Son: If you loved me you would give me the money Me: I'm not able to help you Son: I know you have the money why won't you help me Me: I'm not able to help you Son: You're a cold hearted B****, I hate you Me: I'm sorry you feel that way, I love you. Goodbye. One of the most important lessons I've learned is to not engage into a debate as to why I won't give money or help him. I do not owe my son any kind of explanation as to why I won't help him. My finances are none of his business. My home is my sanctuary and is not open for him to invade into my peace. My son will be released from jail late summer early fall this year. I totally get how you feel. I have no doubt that my son will expect me to help him but it's not going to happen. Hang in there!! You are stronger than you realize. [/QUOTE]
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