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son laying guilt - he's great at it!
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 679461" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Rebel,</p><p></p><p>Your son and mine could be twins!!</p><p>I have been right where you are. My son is border line genius. He can read a book and retain all the info, however he thinks just because he reads something that he is an expert on it. I once asked him if he were to read a book on how to perform surgery if he really believed he could do it and his response was "of course I could"</p><p>The problem with my son and yours is they are not balancing their "brilliance" with any common sense.</p><p></p><p>My son has had different jobs but he always loses them. One that sticks in my mind, he got a job working in a warehouse for a very successful furniture company. It only lasted a few months and he quit. When I asked him why he told me because he owner was stupid and didn't know how to run a business. Seriously!! The owner has been in business over 30 years.</p><p></p><p>I have been on the receiving end of some of the ugliest berating from my son. I have a very strong faith and my son told me how stupid, naive, gullable, brainwashed, ignorant, etc........... that I was to believe what I believe. I had made the choice to completely cut off communication with him. I did not talk to him for almost 2 years. Now, when I do communicate with him it's via private messages on Facebook.</p><p>My son also blames me for how screwed up his life is, how horrible his childhood was, how I'm never there for him, and on and on and on................</p><p>My son never wanted for anything. He had a very good childhood until he made the choice to start smoking pot and skipping school. Over the years my husband and I have put forth not only tens of thousands of dollars but the effort to attend family counseling, individual counseling. We bought a house for him to live in, we bought a car, I paid for a year of college that he dropped out of because I didn't want him to have damaged credit. The list is long in all that we have done for him yet he sees none of it.</p><p>People like our sons want nothing more than to engage in a debate. They are masters at talking in circles and can leave you feeling like you just got off a carnival ride, dizzy and confused. I have learned to not engage with my son when he goes on one of his rants.</p><p>You see it doesn't matter what we say, they will turn it around on us. My son would argue that the sky isn't blue!!</p><p></p><p>I strongly suggest that you have some prepared statements for his whether it's a speaking conversation or texting.</p><p>When my son goes into the whole tirade of how horrible his childhood was, standard response is: "I'm sorry you feel that way"</p><p>I will just repeat it over and over.</p><p>If he asks me how I feel about something I respond with "I'm really not sure, I'll have to give it some thought"</p><p>I will also cut it short saying something like "someone is at the door, gotta go, bye"</p><p></p><p>Low to no contact is what has allowed me to keep my sanity.</p><p></p><p>They are going to think what they think and believe what they believe, there is nothing we can do to change that.</p><p></p><p>Focus on YOU not on him. Live your life the best you can. You do not owe your son anything. If he wants a college education then let him get a job and pay for it. Your son and mine share that "entitled attitude" They think everyone has wronged them and that they should be handed everything without working for it.</p><p>You have nothing to feel guilty about.</p><p></p><p>Be good to yourself. Live your life and let your son live his.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you............................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 679461, member: 18516"] Hi Rebel, Your son and mine could be twins!! I have been right where you are. My son is border line genius. He can read a book and retain all the info, however he thinks just because he reads something that he is an expert on it. I once asked him if he were to read a book on how to perform surgery if he really believed he could do it and his response was "of course I could" The problem with my son and yours is they are not balancing their "brilliance" with any common sense. My son has had different jobs but he always loses them. One that sticks in my mind, he got a job working in a warehouse for a very successful furniture company. It only lasted a few months and he quit. When I asked him why he told me because he owner was stupid and didn't know how to run a business. Seriously!! The owner has been in business over 30 years. I have been on the receiving end of some of the ugliest berating from my son. I have a very strong faith and my son told me how stupid, naive, gullable, brainwashed, ignorant, etc........... that I was to believe what I believe. I had made the choice to completely cut off communication with him. I did not talk to him for almost 2 years. Now, when I do communicate with him it's via private messages on Facebook. My son also blames me for how screwed up his life is, how horrible his childhood was, how I'm never there for him, and on and on and on................ My son never wanted for anything. He had a very good childhood until he made the choice to start smoking pot and skipping school. Over the years my husband and I have put forth not only tens of thousands of dollars but the effort to attend family counseling, individual counseling. We bought a house for him to live in, we bought a car, I paid for a year of college that he dropped out of because I didn't want him to have damaged credit. The list is long in all that we have done for him yet he sees none of it. People like our sons want nothing more than to engage in a debate. They are masters at talking in circles and can leave you feeling like you just got off a carnival ride, dizzy and confused. I have learned to not engage with my son when he goes on one of his rants. You see it doesn't matter what we say, they will turn it around on us. My son would argue that the sky isn't blue!! I strongly suggest that you have some prepared statements for his whether it's a speaking conversation or texting. When my son goes into the whole tirade of how horrible his childhood was, standard response is: "I'm sorry you feel that way" I will just repeat it over and over. If he asks me how I feel about something I respond with "I'm really not sure, I'll have to give it some thought" I will also cut it short saying something like "someone is at the door, gotta go, bye" Low to no contact is what has allowed me to keep my sanity. They are going to think what they think and believe what they believe, there is nothing we can do to change that. Focus on YOU not on him. Live your life the best you can. You do not owe your son anything. If he wants a college education then let him get a job and pay for it. Your son and mine share that "entitled attitude" They think everyone has wronged them and that they should be handed everything without working for it. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Be good to yourself. Live your life and let your son live his. ((HUGS)) to you............................ [/QUOTE]
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son laying guilt - he's great at it!
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