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Parent Emeritus
son laying guilt - he's great at it!
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 679478" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>One thing I had to learn to do, the hard way, was to give up hoping for that "lightbulb moment." I kept thinking that if I just said the right thing, in the right way, a lightbulb would suddenly go off in my daughter's head and she'd say "AHA! I get it! Mom's right! I'm going to change my life!" Nope, never happened. Never gonna happen. Not with any prompting from me, anyway. That "lightbulb moment" has to come from within her. And for my Oldest, at least, it still hasn't come. Things got better for a while, but she's backsliding again. I had to stop, just stop. Telling her what I thought she should do only frustrated me, and enraged her. As someone said above, you've said your piece. Now let it go. He heard you, no need to repeat it over and over. </p><p></p><p>I also had to let go of the idea of what others think of me, and this need I had to defend myself when one of my kids would tell me how everyone thought I was a horrible mom for not helping them. That part was really hard, but I try to tell myself that *I* know the true story and that's all that matters But I also discovered that a lot of people figue things out on their own, after anytime around a Difficult Child - after a Difficult Child reacts crazily others sometimes (frequently?) think, "hmmm ok no wonder their family doesn't want to deal with them." </p><p></p><p>It's hard, and it takes so much practice. But you can get there. You deserve a happy, stress-free life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 679478, member: 1157"] One thing I had to learn to do, the hard way, was to give up hoping for that "lightbulb moment." I kept thinking that if I just said the right thing, in the right way, a lightbulb would suddenly go off in my daughter's head and she'd say "AHA! I get it! Mom's right! I'm going to change my life!" Nope, never happened. Never gonna happen. Not with any prompting from me, anyway. That "lightbulb moment" has to come from within her. And for my Oldest, at least, it still hasn't come. Things got better for a while, but she's backsliding again. I had to stop, just stop. Telling her what I thought she should do only frustrated me, and enraged her. As someone said above, you've said your piece. Now let it go. He heard you, no need to repeat it over and over. I also had to let go of the idea of what others think of me, and this need I had to defend myself when one of my kids would tell me how everyone thought I was a horrible mom for not helping them. That part was really hard, but I try to tell myself that *I* know the true story and that's all that matters But I also discovered that a lot of people figue things out on their own, after anytime around a Difficult Child - after a Difficult Child reacts crazily others sometimes (frequently?) think, "hmmm ok no wonder their family doesn't want to deal with them." It's hard, and it takes so much practice. But you can get there. You deserve a happy, stress-free life. [/QUOTE]
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son laying guilt - he's great at it!
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