Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Son spiraling and I'm lost
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 737881" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Michelle, welcome and I am so sorry for your aching heart and need to be here. It is hard when our children grow to adult age but do not grow up. That’s how I view my two, they are perpetually stuck at 15. I attribute that to their early pot dabbling, partying and eventually moving on to heavier drugs. </p><p>The lying, stealing and manipulating came with that. You wrote your son started this with you at 15, but did not abuse substances, has he ever been diagnosed? I often wonder for my two, if there are underlying issues attached along with their addiction.</p><p>You are on the right track in not allowing your son to live with you. He has already shown you that you cannot trust him. No one deserves to be mistreated and stolen from.</p><p>We loaned our daughter money years ago to pay off credit card debt. That was never repaid. It was a hard lesson learned.</p><p>You wrote of the fears you have for your son, this is part of what most of us have gone through with our off the rails adult kids. There is an acronym F.ear O.bligation G.uilt. It is this FOG, that keeps us entangled with the lifestyles, drama and chaos our wayward kids reap. Our kids spiral, and we feel lost, saddened and in despair. All understandable reactions, because we love them and want the best for them, but they have got to want that for themselves.</p><p>The thing is, we have no control over their choices.We can’t change the path they choose, but we can learn to shift focus and strengthen ourselves to react to their consequences differently. Set healthy boundaries.</p><p>The shame factor fits right in there with the FOG. That old saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” does not apply. Our kids grow up and choose their own way. Period. Yes, it is sad when their choices are so awful. It is hard when workmates speak of their kids off to college. My twos shenanigans surely don’t fit in that conversation. Talk about a room silencer. I share with people I know will be supportive and understanding.</p><p>I am not ashamed of what I cannot control. I did the best job I could raising them.</p><p>You are stronger than you know, and have set some good boundaries already. Getting support for this journey is important. As RN mentioned, we cannot control our adult kids, but we can work to strengthen ourselves, learn to channel our energy and emotional response, get our lives back.</p><p>We don’t have to feel lost, with each episode our kids go through. In fact, that doesn’t help them, and is so stressful for us to go down that rabbit hole along with them. You are worth the effort to work at redefining yourself, and setting goals to rise above your sons situation, rather than feeling lost, make that effort to find yourself. I feel it is the best thing we can do for our wayward adult kids. Show them through our own choices, how to live well.</p><p>Again, welcome. You are not alone.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 737881, member: 19522"] Hi Michelle, welcome and I am so sorry for your aching heart and need to be here. It is hard when our children grow to adult age but do not grow up. That’s how I view my two, they are perpetually stuck at 15. I attribute that to their early pot dabbling, partying and eventually moving on to heavier drugs. The lying, stealing and manipulating came with that. You wrote your son started this with you at 15, but did not abuse substances, has he ever been diagnosed? I often wonder for my two, if there are underlying issues attached along with their addiction. You are on the right track in not allowing your son to live with you. He has already shown you that you cannot trust him. No one deserves to be mistreated and stolen from. We loaned our daughter money years ago to pay off credit card debt. That was never repaid. It was a hard lesson learned. You wrote of the fears you have for your son, this is part of what most of us have gone through with our off the rails adult kids. There is an acronym F.ear O.bligation G.uilt. It is this FOG, that keeps us entangled with the lifestyles, drama and chaos our wayward kids reap. Our kids spiral, and we feel lost, saddened and in despair. All understandable reactions, because we love them and want the best for them, but they have got to want that for themselves. The thing is, we have no control over their choices.We can’t change the path they choose, but we can learn to shift focus and strengthen ourselves to react to their consequences differently. Set healthy boundaries. The shame factor fits right in there with the FOG. That old saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” does not apply. Our kids grow up and choose their own way. Period. Yes, it is sad when their choices are so awful. It is hard when workmates speak of their kids off to college. My twos shenanigans surely don’t fit in that conversation. Talk about a room silencer. I share with people I know will be supportive and understanding. I am not ashamed of what I cannot control. I did the best job I could raising them. You are stronger than you know, and have set some good boundaries already. Getting support for this journey is important. As RN mentioned, we cannot control our adult kids, but we can work to strengthen ourselves, learn to channel our energy and emotional response, get our lives back. We don’t have to feel lost, with each episode our kids go through. In fact, that doesn’t help them, and is so stressful for us to go down that rabbit hole along with them. You are worth the effort to work at redefining yourself, and setting goals to rise above your sons situation, rather than feeling lost, make that effort to find yourself. I feel it is the best thing we can do for our wayward adult kids. Show them through our own choices, how to live well. Again, welcome. You are not alone. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Son spiraling and I'm lost
Top