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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 765482" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi all,</p><p>Tornado is back in jail <em>again</em>, picked up by sheriffs on a bench warrant for violating her probation, <em>again.</em> To recap- after reconnecting with family, espousing rehab doctrine, she abruptly left sober living and ran off with her “new boyfriend.” It’s like a bizarre game show, “I’m back! I love you guys, oooops relapse, sorry, not sorry off to the abyss I go.” We are left once again to process the face smack of it. </p><p>And so it goes.</p><p>She called me two nights ago and said that she is considering asking the judge for sentencing to "just finish her term", rather than trying rehab again, because it’s “obviously not working.”</p><p>You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink.</p><p>Her stance now is, that she is a drug addict, it’s a disease and she may, or may not continue to use meth. If that is the case, she wants reassurance that her family will “just accept that” and have a relationship with her, even if she is not sober. “Will you continue to hate me, if I use drugs?”</p><p>“Will you visit me in jail?” The women’s prison has a nicer setting outdoors for family visits….” “ I have money in my bag, will you come get it and put it on my account?” Ummmm nope. To all. Of course I don't hate her, but will not tolerate meth use. I will absolutely not subject my granddaughter to it. </p><p>There is no amount of trying to explain the hurt and drama the family has endured due to her drug use, as the reason why we wont have contact as long as drugs are her choice. She wants her cake and eat it too. "Just because I use drugs doesn't mean Iʻm a bad person Mom, Iʻve never stolen from you......" Well, she has stolen from me, the money and jewelry missing is not the worst of it, it's the time and peace, peace in my home, peace of mind, health issues from the stress, need I say more? She has stolen her children's youth and burdened them with trauma. </p><p> “I learned in rehab that no one can make you feel a certain type of way. So you telling me how much you are hurt and worry, just shows me that I will never live up to your expectations.” So, in other words, <em>I’m making her feel a certain way……</em></p><p>Circular conversation continues where she starts to rant on how she loves us and wants to be involved with the family no matter what her circumstances. That when she was growing up we took her to family parties where people were drinking and “that’s the same thing.” That her son feels the same way, that people don’t accept him for who he is and that’s not right. <em>Her son has violent outbursts and punches holes in walls, etc. </em>Well, of course that is unacceptable behavior, as is meth use.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>I have had a second conversation with her with much the same rhetoric.</p><p>One would think that after all of these years I would be somewhat immune to this, but I still find my head spinning after speaking with her. Not good. I already have enough challenges with my health to subject myself to attempts to suck me back into the rabbit hole. The <em>swirly whirly</em> as I so long ago dubbed that feeling of being on a not so merry-go-round. I am standing in front of the ticket booth and Tornado is trying to convince me to get on for another hellish ride.</p><p>Nope. </p><p>I blocked the number. Do I feel bad about that? In some ways yes. I have read that prisoners do better if they have some sort of family connection. But to use Tornados words "Its obviously not working." </p><p>For her, or for me. </p><p>CD was down for a bit while I was trying to process all of this, so I did a web search "Addicted adult daughter wants family connection while using drugs". Up popped info from expensive rehabs urging maintaining relationship, not alienating the family member by harping on sobriety, try to arrange an intervention, and info on how how to manage self care. </p><p>I think after nearly twenty years of this we are beyond all that. </p><p>So, for now, I am going off the radar with Tornado, as damage control, because I need space to breathe. I have to look after my health and maintain a semblance of sanity.</p><p>Thank you guys for following along.</p><p>Im tired.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Somewhat wilted <em>Leaf</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 765482, member: 19522"] Hi all, Tornado is back in jail [I]again[/I], picked up by sheriffs on a bench warrant for violating her probation, [I]again.[/I] To recap- after reconnecting with family, espousing rehab doctrine, she abruptly left sober living and ran off with her “new boyfriend.” It’s like a bizarre game show, “I’m back! I love you guys, oooops relapse, sorry, not sorry off to the abyss I go.” We are left once again to process the face smack of it. And so it goes. She called me two nights ago and said that she is considering asking the judge for sentencing to "just finish her term", rather than trying rehab again, because it’s “obviously not working.” You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink. Her stance now is, that she is a drug addict, it’s a disease and she may, or may not continue to use meth. If that is the case, she wants reassurance that her family will “just accept that” and have a relationship with her, even if she is not sober. “Will you continue to hate me, if I use drugs?” “Will you visit me in jail?” The women’s prison has a nicer setting outdoors for family visits….” “ I have money in my bag, will you come get it and put it on my account?” Ummmm nope. To all. Of course I don't hate her, but will not tolerate meth use. I will absolutely not subject my granddaughter to it. There is no amount of trying to explain the hurt and drama the family has endured due to her drug use, as the reason why we wont have contact as long as drugs are her choice. She wants her cake and eat it too. "Just because I use drugs doesn't mean Iʻm a bad person Mom, Iʻve never stolen from you......" Well, she has stolen from me, the money and jewelry missing is not the worst of it, it's the time and peace, peace in my home, peace of mind, health issues from the stress, need I say more? She has stolen her children's youth and burdened them with trauma. “I learned in rehab that no one can make you feel a certain type of way. So you telling me how much you are hurt and worry, just shows me that I will never live up to your expectations.” So, in other words, [I]I’m making her feel a certain way……[/I] Circular conversation continues where she starts to rant on how she loves us and wants to be involved with the family no matter what her circumstances. That when she was growing up we took her to family parties where people were drinking and “that’s the same thing.” That her son feels the same way, that people don’t accept him for who he is and that’s not right. [I]Her son has violent outbursts and punches holes in walls, etc. [/I]Well, of course that is unacceptable behavior, as is meth use. Sigh. I have had a second conversation with her with much the same rhetoric. One would think that after all of these years I would be somewhat immune to this, but I still find my head spinning after speaking with her. Not good. I already have enough challenges with my health to subject myself to attempts to suck me back into the rabbit hole. The [I]swirly whirly[/I] as I so long ago dubbed that feeling of being on a not so merry-go-round. I am standing in front of the ticket booth and Tornado is trying to convince me to get on for another hellish ride. Nope. I blocked the number. Do I feel bad about that? In some ways yes. I have read that prisoners do better if they have some sort of family connection. But to use Tornados words "Its obviously not working." For her, or for me. CD was down for a bit while I was trying to process all of this, so I did a web search "Addicted adult daughter wants family connection while using drugs". Up popped info from expensive rehabs urging maintaining relationship, not alienating the family member by harping on sobriety, try to arrange an intervention, and info on how how to manage self care. I think after nearly twenty years of this we are beyond all that. So, for now, I am going off the radar with Tornado, as damage control, because I need space to breathe. I have to look after my health and maintain a semblance of sanity. Thank you guys for following along. Im tired. (((Hugs))) Somewhat wilted [I]Leaf[/I] [/QUOTE]
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