Boy Star,
Your difficult child sounds so much like my difficult child, before his trip to Arizona with nothing but a duffle bag and his acoustic guitar in tow. It was almost like there was a string missing in his brain that kept him from connecting the dots.... his judgement of others and failure to see that he was the same. 
But one of his first comments on returning was "I didn't realize that I had so much stuff".
That was our Light Bulb moment. Just hoping it will last.
Hugs
