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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 764282" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>Hi Cora. Perhaps I'm currently the only one here who's been down this road. </p><p></p><p>First, congrats on your decision and sticking to it. </p><p></p><p>Every prison system is different. But most require that he have an address that has agreed to accept him before they will release him. And that person has to pass a background check. If he has no one he has to apply to programs that will accept him. Sometimes called a halfway house. He has to apply to each until one accepts him. Each will have rules he won't like. Typically this will include drug and alcohol testing, getting a job within 30 days, curfews, attending some kind of house meetings, etc. He may have to interview and convince them that he is a good candidate for their program. So not accepting means he's in a difficult position and may be in there more time. Of course he's angry. And being under a lot of stress, having the rug of his plans pulled out from under him, etc he has no interest in you, your feelings or intentions.</p><p></p><p>So any letter you send is going to be destroyed probably without reading it. My guess would be that writing this is to reduce your feelings of guilt. If that will work then do it. But I doubt it will work.</p><p></p><p>If/ when he matures he will understand. Mine is 33 and blames his sad life on me, not his use of drugs and resulting bad choices. I comfort myself by knowing that his years in prison allowed his brain to develop, him to think about himself, learn from books and develop some positives interests. I pray that some day he will be able to face his reality and his past. I am able to sleep knowing where he is, that he's mostly clean but primarily that he's alive. Given his use that is actually a miracle. </p><p></p><p>As you know, we only have control over ourselves. Our sons may or may not become who we hope they can be. Enjoy your life and let him find is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 764282, member: 23371"] Hi Cora. Perhaps I'm currently the only one here who's been down this road. First, congrats on your decision and sticking to it. Every prison system is different. But most require that he have an address that has agreed to accept him before they will release him. And that person has to pass a background check. If he has no one he has to apply to programs that will accept him. Sometimes called a halfway house. He has to apply to each until one accepts him. Each will have rules he won't like. Typically this will include drug and alcohol testing, getting a job within 30 days, curfews, attending some kind of house meetings, etc. He may have to interview and convince them that he is a good candidate for their program. So not accepting means he's in a difficult position and may be in there more time. Of course he's angry. And being under a lot of stress, having the rug of his plans pulled out from under him, etc he has no interest in you, your feelings or intentions. So any letter you send is going to be destroyed probably without reading it. My guess would be that writing this is to reduce your feelings of guilt. If that will work then do it. But I doubt it will work. If/ when he matures he will understand. Mine is 33 and blames his sad life on me, not his use of drugs and resulting bad choices. I comfort myself by knowing that his years in prison allowed his brain to develop, him to think about himself, learn from books and develop some positives interests. I pray that some day he will be able to face his reality and his past. I am able to sleep knowing where he is, that he's mostly clean but primarily that he's alive. Given his use that is actually a miracle. As you know, we only have control over ourselves. Our sons may or may not become who we hope they can be. Enjoy your life and let him find is. [/QUOTE]
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