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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 765063" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome Mother. The first thing I suggest is to consider this: We are NOT our emotions. We have the capacity and potential to be our best selves. Our best selves operate from our values, our sense of responsibility, and our intentions. Our best selves emerge from confronting reality as it is.</p><p></p><p>This is entirely appropriate and reasonable.</p><p></p><p>To make threats like this in my state is a felony crime. It's considered a "terrorist threat."</p><p></p><p>Now we have to talk turkey. What you're saying here is in your house, under your roof, your son is not safe. In fact he could have died. This is important. It is to say no matter what you do, how much you give into him, you cannot keep him safe. Only his choices can keep him safe. In your home he can only put you in danger and anybody else with you.</p><p></p><p>Here we have another reality. You have responsibilities to your other child. Is it what you want to sacrifice one for another?</p><p></p><p>Of course there is a suicide risk, in addition to the risks posed by his voluntary drug use. And the risks to you posed by his decisions and actions in your house. (One mother I met here had the police storm her house, put her on the floor with rifles to her back, and the threat to kill her dog. She was placed in jail and almost lost her job. ) The thing is, who is bringing on these risks? You or your son?</p><p>'</p><p>Here on this forum we learn that there is NOTHING we can do to have an effect on our adult children, whether that is to do positive things to help them, or positively protect ourselves and our families The most important thing we can do is to recognize this.:The reality is the only ones responsible for good or bad behavior, is them.</p><p></p><p>First, identify who <em>you are</em> independent of your emotions. Second, identify who you are independent of the imaginary tether you have constructed between yourself and this adult who is terrorizing your home and you. You ARE NOT him. He IS NOT you.</p><p></p><p>I have been on this forum for almost 9 years. I am virtually unrecognizable from the woman who first came. If you stay on this forum and post you can do this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 765063, member: 18958"] Welcome Mother. The first thing I suggest is to consider this: We are NOT our emotions. We have the capacity and potential to be our best selves. Our best selves operate from our values, our sense of responsibility, and our intentions. Our best selves emerge from confronting reality as it is. This is entirely appropriate and reasonable. To make threats like this in my state is a felony crime. It's considered a "terrorist threat." Now we have to talk turkey. What you're saying here is in your house, under your roof, your son is not safe. In fact he could have died. This is important. It is to say no matter what you do, how much you give into him, you cannot keep him safe. Only his choices can keep him safe. In your home he can only put you in danger and anybody else with you. Here we have another reality. You have responsibilities to your other child. Is it what you want to sacrifice one for another? Of course there is a suicide risk, in addition to the risks posed by his voluntary drug use. And the risks to you posed by his decisions and actions in your house. (One mother I met here had the police storm her house, put her on the floor with rifles to her back, and the threat to kill her dog. She was placed in jail and almost lost her job. ) The thing is, who is bringing on these risks? You or your son? ' Here on this forum we learn that there is NOTHING we can do to have an effect on our adult children, whether that is to do positive things to help them, or positively protect ourselves and our families The most important thing we can do is to recognize this.:The reality is the only ones responsible for good or bad behavior, is them. First, identify who [I]you are[/I] independent of your emotions. Second, identify who you are independent of the imaginary tether you have constructed between yourself and this adult who is terrorizing your home and you. You ARE NOT him. He IS NOT you. I have been on this forum for almost 9 years. I am virtually unrecognizable from the woman who first came. If you stay on this forum and post you can do this. [/QUOTE]
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