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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 766445" data-attributes="member: 18958">Hi SVD--I don't know where this quote came from (see above) and don't know the context but these are my thoughts. There are a lot of &quot;ifs&quot;. If he does this (in future time), or that....Why is this mother burdening herself with ifs? Cross that bridge when she comes to it.She has an adult son who is stonewalling her. Good. Let him be. The ball is in his court to grow up. He is responsible for his life, not her. There is no obligation of a parent for another adult (even if it's their child), unless it is chosen. The parent can decide if and when. Not the adult child.There are parents here whose children have died. My son has not died.&nbsp; Is my suffering less? Probably. But this is not a suffering competition. I feel this mother is causing her own suffering. I suspect it's guilt. She is suffering enough. She does not need to be suffering more, to join our special club. This is a suffering less club. We all seek to suffer less.I don't understand why this mother is worrying and suffering for things that have not happened. I mean, I can guess, why, but it's not helping her at all.In my mind, forever is a very long time. Let life happen, as it will.&nbsp; This 19 year old may get it together. If he does, this mother can decide to help or she can decide not too, based upon whether she chooses to help, has the resources, and the attitudes and comportment of the child.&nbsp; Meanwhile, a power shift needs to occur. We as mothers deserve to have our own power back into ourselves. This is a learning process. Being on this forum helps, in my experience.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 766445, member: 18958"] Hi SVD--I don't know where this quote came from (see above) and don't know the context but these are my thoughts. There are a lot of "ifs". If he does this (in future time), or that....Why is this mother burdening herself with ifs? Cross that bridge when she comes to it. She has an adult son who is stonewalling her. Good. Let him be. [I]The ball is in his court to grow up.[/I] He is responsible for his life, not her. There is no obligation of a parent for another adult (even if it's their child), unless it is chosen. The parent can decide if and when. Not the adult child. There are parents here whose children have died. My son has not died. Is my suffering less? Probably. But this is not a suffering competition. I feel this mother is causing her own suffering. I suspect it's guilt. She is suffering enough. She does not need to be suffering more, to join our special club. This is a suffering less club. We all seek to suffer less. I don't understand why this mother is worrying and suffering for things that have not happened. I mean, I can guess, why, but it's not helping her at all. In my mind, forever is a very long time. Let life happen, as it will. This 19 year old may get it together. If he does, this mother can decide to help or she can decide not too, based upon whether she chooses to help, has the resources, and the attitudes and comportment of the child. Meanwhile, a power shift needs to occur. We as mothers deserve to have our own power back into ourselves. This is a learning process. Being on this forum helps, in my experience. [/QUOTE]

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