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General Parenting
Struggling today -- vent
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<blockquote data-quote="Blue Nude" data-source="post: 381623"><p>I hear what you're saying about difficult child needing more guidance to get through her work. She will tell me sometimes that she's confused or overwhelmed or doesn't know what to do. Usually, however, she just lies to me and tells me that she has no homework or has finished it. She's embarrassed to ask for help and thinks she "should" be too smart to need help. I need to find a way to get through to her that I want to help her. I want to help her organize, prioritize, set a step-by-step process to get the work done. I happen to be very good at that (I'm a project manager in my professional world). She, however, just wants me to do the homework for her and doesn't want me to teach her how to organize. </p><p></p><p>Two years ago, we took her to a tutoring center so a 3rd party could try to teach her organizational skills, etc. After 6 months of that, we got nowhere. We've given her color-coded notebooks, folders, binders, book covers, etc so she could organize her classes and work by color. We offered to sit down with her and go through all her papers and organize them into the new color-coded files, but she refused. </p><p></p><p>Reading your posts Marg, has made me take a second look at my approach lately. I have been trying very hard to force her into taking responsibility. Things have gotten heated, and we're all very angry with one another at this point. I need to take a step back and reassess. Take a deep breath, and come at this problem from a different angle. She indeed needs to learn to take personal responsibility, but perhaps I need to go more slowly in teaching her how to do that. </p><p></p><p>I must admit, however, that part of me loathes to do it because I can't erase from my mind the idea that she may just be manipulating me into doing her work for her. </p><p></p><p>Let her fail on her own and see if it serves as a wake-up call, or take her hand and guide her through baby steps of how to be responsible?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blue Nude, post: 381623"] I hear what you're saying about difficult child needing more guidance to get through her work. She will tell me sometimes that she's confused or overwhelmed or doesn't know what to do. Usually, however, she just lies to me and tells me that she has no homework or has finished it. She's embarrassed to ask for help and thinks she "should" be too smart to need help. I need to find a way to get through to her that I want to help her. I want to help her organize, prioritize, set a step-by-step process to get the work done. I happen to be very good at that (I'm a project manager in my professional world). She, however, just wants me to do the homework for her and doesn't want me to teach her how to organize. Two years ago, we took her to a tutoring center so a 3rd party could try to teach her organizational skills, etc. After 6 months of that, we got nowhere. We've given her color-coded notebooks, folders, binders, book covers, etc so she could organize her classes and work by color. We offered to sit down with her and go through all her papers and organize them into the new color-coded files, but she refused. Reading your posts Marg, has made me take a second look at my approach lately. I have been trying very hard to force her into taking responsibility. Things have gotten heated, and we're all very angry with one another at this point. I need to take a step back and reassess. Take a deep breath, and come at this problem from a different angle. She indeed needs to learn to take personal responsibility, but perhaps I need to go more slowly in teaching her how to do that. I must admit, however, that part of me loathes to do it because I can't erase from my mind the idea that she may just be manipulating me into doing her work for her. Let her fail on her own and see if it serves as a wake-up call, or take her hand and guide her through baby steps of how to be responsible? [/QUOTE]
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