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Struggling with my attitude to difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Estherfromjerusalem" data-source="post: 15051" data-attributes="member: 77"><p>Thank you all for your replies.</p><p></p><p>I know I'm a "softy." But it's not all that simple. The bottom line is that somehow Oriel seems to have some internal boundaries. He is not in any trouble with the police. He's not on drugs. Somehow, he just about manages not to get into any legal trouble, although I know he goes off to town and drinks alcohol, and he has a motorbike.</p><p></p><p>A few weeks ago, after a meltdown, I said to husband that I really would like to see Oriel out of the house, and my husband said to me that he agrees, but he would be worried that maybe, just maybe, he would get in with a bad crowd of kids and deteriorate. You see, the fact that he is at home somehow keeps him within those boundaries, even though we all suffer so much for it. And he is managing to hold down an evening job at the moment, at a pizza place, which is great.</p><p></p><p>And yes, I think Fran is right that emotionally he is younger than his years, and is still like a young teenager emotionally, and needs more time to grow up.</p><p></p><p>Don't forget, here in Israel, where it is compulsory for all boys to go into the military, we are far more reluctant to push our sons out of the home while they are serving, because it is such a volatile area and we never know when once again we will be at war, and then we want to be able to give our boys a warm home and a secure environment to come back home to. So we have a slightly different take on that.</p><p></p><p>Having said all that, the military does have some sort of arrangement for boys who for all sorts of reasons can't remain at home, and I know for a fact that Oriel has been looking into this option, and that he wants it. They are supposed to send someone to our home to make inquiries on behalf of the military, and believe me I will certainly cooperate with them.</p><p></p><p>I must explain why we didn't wake him up that morning when the police came: waking Oriel up in the morning is a nightmare, and we have an agreement with him that after trying once or twice, we pour a cup of water over his face to wake him up. It causes him to rage like a bull and swear something awful, but it does the trick and then he gets up and isn't late and doesn't get punishment from his officer for getting there late. I can tell you, whenever it is my "turn" to wake him up I practice detachment really well when I pour the water over him. I HATE doing it! But there just wasn't time, with the police bashing at the door, to go through that process. He is a very deep sleeper.</p><p></p><p>Today he is quieter. That's what always happens after a melt-down. He behaves very very badly to his father, not quite so badly to me.</p><p></p><p>Remember that film, "Stop the world, I want to get off"? That's how I feel at the moment.</p><p></p><p>Tomorrow I'm going to the movies. I'm going to see "The Queen," together with a lady I work with (she's 80, and she's also from England). I haven't been to a movie for six years. Last time I went was with my father, and he died about four years ago!!!! I'm looking forward to it very much.</p><p></p><p>Suz, I've printed out that link you posted, and will read it quietly later on. Thank you.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for your input.</p><p></p><p>Love, Esther</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Estherfromjerusalem, post: 15051, member: 77"] Thank you all for your replies. I know I'm a "softy." But it's not all that simple. The bottom line is that somehow Oriel seems to have some internal boundaries. He is not in any trouble with the police. He's not on drugs. Somehow, he just about manages not to get into any legal trouble, although I know he goes off to town and drinks alcohol, and he has a motorbike. A few weeks ago, after a meltdown, I said to husband that I really would like to see Oriel out of the house, and my husband said to me that he agrees, but he would be worried that maybe, just maybe, he would get in with a bad crowd of kids and deteriorate. You see, the fact that he is at home somehow keeps him within those boundaries, even though we all suffer so much for it. And he is managing to hold down an evening job at the moment, at a pizza place, which is great. And yes, I think Fran is right that emotionally he is younger than his years, and is still like a young teenager emotionally, and needs more time to grow up. Don't forget, here in Israel, where it is compulsory for all boys to go into the military, we are far more reluctant to push our sons out of the home while they are serving, because it is such a volatile area and we never know when once again we will be at war, and then we want to be able to give our boys a warm home and a secure environment to come back home to. So we have a slightly different take on that. Having said all that, the military does have some sort of arrangement for boys who for all sorts of reasons can't remain at home, and I know for a fact that Oriel has been looking into this option, and that he wants it. They are supposed to send someone to our home to make inquiries on behalf of the military, and believe me I will certainly cooperate with them. I must explain why we didn't wake him up that morning when the police came: waking Oriel up in the morning is a nightmare, and we have an agreement with him that after trying once or twice, we pour a cup of water over his face to wake him up. It causes him to rage like a bull and swear something awful, but it does the trick and then he gets up and isn't late and doesn't get punishment from his officer for getting there late. I can tell you, whenever it is my "turn" to wake him up I practice detachment really well when I pour the water over him. I HATE doing it! But there just wasn't time, with the police bashing at the door, to go through that process. He is a very deep sleeper. Today he is quieter. That's what always happens after a melt-down. He behaves very very badly to his father, not quite so badly to me. Remember that film, "Stop the world, I want to get off"? That's how I feel at the moment. Tomorrow I'm going to the movies. I'm going to see "The Queen," together with a lady I work with (she's 80, and she's also from England). I haven't been to a movie for six years. Last time I went was with my father, and he died about four years ago!!!! I'm looking forward to it very much. Suz, I've printed out that link you posted, and will read it quietly later on. Thank you. Thank you all for your input. Love, Esther [/QUOTE]
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Struggling with my attitude to difficult child
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