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"Stuff" hit the fan
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759486" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Laura</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening. I understand your worry as I have been in a similar place.</p><p></p><p>Your son is ill. You know that. Anything he does or says is fueled by this illness and by the drugs he uses. The boyfriend is a victim of a crime. While the boyfriend may not have filed charges, I believe your son committed a felony crime by trashing the apartment.. Right now you are a spectator in an unfolding self-destructive spiral that has become outwardly destructive. </p><p></p><p>Over and over your son has left treatment, resumed drug use, or stopped medication. I am wondering how you or any of us can be there for our children in these circumstances, at least without great cost. I can imagine how it feels to hear the voice of the boyfriend whose apartment has been destroyed, telling you that your son has bragged about betraying his confidence by cheating.</p><p></p><p>At the end of the day, we are worth protecting. Your well-being and state of mind are important. You are not less important than your son. Just as I am as important as my son.</p><p></p><p>Eventually, I have to make the choice for myself. To make distance. To not be involved. To choose to not call. To remove support. To not take phone calls or read social media about my son. Eventually, I had to make a boundary. My son knows I love him. In his heart, he knows this. My belief is that there are resources available if people choose to want to help themselves. Past a point, parents can't do it for an adult child. That has been my own experience. For me it has been the right choice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759486, member: 18958"] Dear Laura I am sorry this is happening. I understand your worry as I have been in a similar place. Your son is ill. You know that. Anything he does or says is fueled by this illness and by the drugs he uses. The boyfriend is a victim of a crime. While the boyfriend may not have filed charges, I believe your son committed a felony crime by trashing the apartment.. Right now you are a spectator in an unfolding self-destructive spiral that has become outwardly destructive. Over and over your son has left treatment, resumed drug use, or stopped medication. I am wondering how you or any of us can be there for our children in these circumstances, at least without great cost. I can imagine how it feels to hear the voice of the boyfriend whose apartment has been destroyed, telling you that your son has bragged about betraying his confidence by cheating. At the end of the day, we are worth protecting. Your well-being and state of mind are important. You are not less important than your son. Just as I am as important as my son. Eventually, I have to make the choice for myself. To make distance. To not be involved. To choose to not call. To remove support. To not take phone calls or read social media about my son. Eventually, I had to make a boundary. My son knows I love him. In his heart, he knows this. My belief is that there are resources available if people choose to want to help themselves. Past a point, parents can't do it for an adult child. That has been my own experience. For me it has been the right choice. [/QUOTE]
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