All holidays are so impossibly hard.
Knowing in advance that there is nothing I can do to change that "marker of doom" feeling (because the thing is, it's the second or third Mother's Day since things were okay, or it's the third Chrismas or New Year's since things were okay ~ so every holiday, every marker, is somehow worse than the last one, when you hoped things would be better next year).
So, this is what I did.
And it helped me.
I bought a card. It is a birthday card for a son. You know the kind. The front is filled with pictures of a boy's sprung tennis shoes and car keys and sports equipment. And I never sent it. It is my card. It makes me sad to see it and understand how everything came out ~ but at the same time, it somehow names the feeling.
And when I put it away again, that feeling, that "marker of doom" feeling, goes with it.
What I feel then is regret, instead of that overwhelming whatever it is that this feels like most of the time.
I am sorry this is happening, hearthope.
It might help too if you map out the day.
You know ~ first I will do this, then I will do that, then that.
There are still some days for me that I need to get through that way. The goal is the safety of my own bed, when I know the stupid, hurtful day is over.
(Oh, Suz ~ I just know you are going to have something to say about that one! :blush:)
Barbara
