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suggestions for making it thru Mother's day
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 41390" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body"></p><p></p><p> He knows he is living wrong </p><p></p><p> </div></div></p><p></p><p>That's exactly right, hearthope. HE KNOWS HE IS LIVING WRONG. You are his mother. There is no other correct response to make to a child who is not only destroying himself in the present but is mortgaging his own future to do it ~ all this pain for us so the child can engage in selfish, self satiating behaviors without having to experience our disapproval.</p><p></p><p>Same with our son.</p><p></p><p>And I hate it, and there is nothing I can do that I haven't already done and done again.</p><p></p><p>I don't think that our doubts about our parenting abilities are at the heart of these feelings. At least for me, it is rage.</p><p></p><p>And I know that is unattractive ~ but that is the truth.</p><p></p><p>(husband and I both beat ourselves up, questioned ourselves silly, over where we had gone wrong. Now that I have the story (after years of research ~ I could hold a doctorate by now, with all the research and piecing together of disparate facts that I have done!!! :eek: Anyway. Now that I have the "how did this happen" answer, I realize I was so filled with anger at difficult child that I did not want to focus at difficult child that I focused it on myself (and on husband) instead.</p><p></p><p>But the person going the wrong way?</p><p></p><p>Was, and is, my son.</p><p></p><p>Not me, and not husband.</p><p></p><p>Also, I think there is a genetically mandated, hormonally mediated component to how we respond when our children are in danger, whatever their ages. Until we know they are okay, we literally cannot leave it alone. That is our child. No matter how old he or she is, we will do what we can to save them and will grieve, perhaps more desperately, with each failed rescue.</p><p></p><p>It makes sense to me that this should be so.</p><p></p><p>Those who evolved without this capacity did not survive.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 41390, member: 3353"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> He knows he is living wrong </div></div> That's exactly right, hearthope. HE KNOWS HE IS LIVING WRONG. You are his mother. There is no other correct response to make to a child who is not only destroying himself in the present but is mortgaging his own future to do it ~ all this pain for us so the child can engage in selfish, self satiating behaviors without having to experience our disapproval. Same with our son. And I hate it, and there is nothing I can do that I haven't already done and done again. I don't think that our doubts about our parenting abilities are at the heart of these feelings. At least for me, it is rage. And I know that is unattractive ~ but that is the truth. (husband and I both beat ourselves up, questioned ourselves silly, over where we had gone wrong. Now that I have the story (after years of research ~ I could hold a doctorate by now, with all the research and piecing together of disparate facts that I have done!!! [img]:eek:[/img] Anyway. Now that I have the "how did this happen" answer, I realize I was so filled with anger at difficult child that I did not want to focus at difficult child that I focused it on myself (and on husband) instead. But the person going the wrong way? Was, and is, my son. Not me, and not husband. Also, I think there is a genetically mandated, hormonally mediated component to how we respond when our children are in danger, whatever their ages. Until we know they are okay, we literally cannot leave it alone. That is our child. No matter how old he or she is, we will do what we can to save them and will grieve, perhaps more desperately, with each failed rescue. It makes sense to me that this should be so. Those who evolved without this capacity did not survive. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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