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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 418197" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>When you are under alot of stress the barely acceptable becomes insanely unacceptable. That's true with kids and with husband's. I am a "doer" by nature and I truly understand what you are saying. My husband doesn't have a bad bone in his body but...he no longer steps up to the plate. I absolutely know that if I had an obvious need for help he would do everything he could to help me. The thing is I do nothave a needy type personality. As we both have aged he does almost nothing. He used to do the laundry, cook meals and clean the kitchen etc. As he phased out...I naturally phased in to get the jobs done. I have to ask "will you please do xxx this evening?" I don't ask for anything long term. Just short term requests...and I don't do it often. He will do it. With his personality I gave up years ago trying to make blanket type requests. What bugs me most? He honestly does feel that he is doing me a favor! <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/sigh.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sigh:" title="sigh :sigh:" data-shortname=":sigh:" /></p><p> </p><p>Since your husband is thirty years plus younger than mine I suggest that you choose one chore (2?) and say " I feel overwhelmed (or some single descripton) and I need you to make a committment to me that <strong>every </strong>day you will do X. It is very important that i know you can be counted on to do X." Try to choose a job that he does not find offensive but will help your environment.</p><p> </p><p>I made a mistake and let it slide too long. Actually I think that he backed off when we were under massive stress with the boys and I didn't want the hassle of conflict with my spouse. Good luck. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 418197, member: 35"] When you are under alot of stress the barely acceptable becomes insanely unacceptable. That's true with kids and with husband's. I am a "doer" by nature and I truly understand what you are saying. My husband doesn't have a bad bone in his body but...he no longer steps up to the plate. I absolutely know that if I had an obvious need for help he would do everything he could to help me. The thing is I do nothave a needy type personality. As we both have aged he does almost nothing. He used to do the laundry, cook meals and clean the kitchen etc. As he phased out...I naturally phased in to get the jobs done. I have to ask "will you please do xxx this evening?" I don't ask for anything long term. Just short term requests...and I don't do it often. He will do it. With his personality I gave up years ago trying to make blanket type requests. What bugs me most? He honestly does feel that he is doing me a favor! :sigh: Since your husband is thirty years plus younger than mine I suggest that you choose one chore (2?) and say " I feel overwhelmed (or some single descripton) and I need you to make a committment to me that [B]every [/B]day you will do X. It is very important that i know you can be counted on to do X." Try to choose a job that he does not find offensive but will help your environment. I made a mistake and let it slide too long. Actually I think that he backed off when we were under massive stress with the boys and I didn't want the hassle of conflict with my spouse. Good luck. DDD [/QUOTE]
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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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