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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 418643" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Shari, have you gone back over your posts about him in the last year or two or however long they are saved on here? I think you might see a more long term pattern going on here. I am NOT saying that the idea to teach him how to be responsible and how to show you respect is not a good idea. I DO think you will see quite a pattern if you look back.</p><p> </p><p>From what I remember of past posts about the chore/car/responsibility/respect issue, you get upset because you realize or see exactly ohw thing are with you doing all the work and him watching tv and doing just what he wants (including how he treats Wee and the other kids), you make comments or otherwise let him know you are not happy with his actions, he gets better for a very short time - a day or two to maybe a week if you really hit the ceiling, and then he goes back to doing what he was before. It seems like a very fast cycle, and that you give him a lot of positive feedback and thanks for what he does and even then you don't even get a true short term change. </p><p> </p><p>Until you can see this pattern and work to understand why it is happening, I doubt you will ever see any real change in how the family behaves on these issues. i say family because it isn't just your husband doing more and being more responsible - you have to change and the kids have to change to understand that husband is in charge of some stuff and they have to deal with him on those issues instead of going to get you to "fix" whatever it is. </p><p> </p><p>From here it doesn't even seem that he has any responsibility for cgfg while she is there. You seem to do things like shooting iwth her, pick up ad drop off, deal with her mom (I understand that is because she is impossible to deal with if husband tries), and do all the other stuff.</p><p> </p><p>I think you are on the right road, but you may have more of a journey to retrain your husband than you are expecting. He is a very lucky man to have a wife as patient and hard working as you. I hope he truly understands this at some point in the future.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 418643, member: 1233"] Shari, have you gone back over your posts about him in the last year or two or however long they are saved on here? I think you might see a more long term pattern going on here. I am NOT saying that the idea to teach him how to be responsible and how to show you respect is not a good idea. I DO think you will see quite a pattern if you look back. From what I remember of past posts about the chore/car/responsibility/respect issue, you get upset because you realize or see exactly ohw thing are with you doing all the work and him watching tv and doing just what he wants (including how he treats Wee and the other kids), you make comments or otherwise let him know you are not happy with his actions, he gets better for a very short time - a day or two to maybe a week if you really hit the ceiling, and then he goes back to doing what he was before. It seems like a very fast cycle, and that you give him a lot of positive feedback and thanks for what he does and even then you don't even get a true short term change. Until you can see this pattern and work to understand why it is happening, I doubt you will ever see any real change in how the family behaves on these issues. i say family because it isn't just your husband doing more and being more responsible - you have to change and the kids have to change to understand that husband is in charge of some stuff and they have to deal with him on those issues instead of going to get you to "fix" whatever it is. From here it doesn't even seem that he has any responsibility for cgfg while she is there. You seem to do things like shooting iwth her, pick up ad drop off, deal with her mom (I understand that is because she is impossible to deal with if husband tries), and do all the other stuff. I think you are on the right road, but you may have more of a journey to retrain your husband than you are expecting. He is a very lucky man to have a wife as patient and hard working as you. I hope he truly understands this at some point in the future. [/QUOTE]
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Talked to husband last night. Ideas? Thoughts? Am I expecting too much?
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