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The 2nd (maybe 3rd) worst phone call
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 737956" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh boy. I'm sorry Mcdonna, what a dramatic and intense couple of days.</p><p></p><p>Well, for what it's worth, every part of me began reacting to your post by internally loudly proclaiming .....NO, DON'T ALLOW HER TO COME HOME!!! </p><p></p><p>I had that response because I remembered the remarkable lying your daughter engaged in with the Gofundme, the asking for all kinds of money because of fabricated lies. Plus all the health issues she manufactured to get people to help. Your daughter is a consummate liar and manipulator. Don't forget the past. Only she can forget the past because she wasn't the one devastated, you were. By forgetting the past, you put yourselves in peril to repeat all of the same stuff.</p><p></p><p> Pregnancy can be such a perfect ploy for our kids to gain back entry, to elicit money, to use the child for their unhealthy purposes to manipulate us to give them what they want. I would seriously question that pregnancy test, somehow it all sounds unbelievable to me and from where I sit as the observer, I have big doubts that she is really pregnant. You can manufacture a pregnancy test, that's not hard for someone like your daughter.</p><p></p><p>Given the disastrous ways in which your daughter operates with major lying and deceit, thinking nothing of the legal or moral aspects of any of it, I would not allow her back because she states she is pregnant. Time will tell if that is the truth or not. Once she is in your home, your rights are going to waver. She could be lying with the idea that once she gets in your home, she can then "miscarry" and by that time, she's already gotten into your life, your money, your sense of peace. </p><p></p><p>I don't believe she's changed if she is truly a borderline with all the other traits. My fear is that you are setting yourself up to have her back in your lives for a long, long time. And if she is indeed really pregnant, that is a shame. I still wouldn't allow her to come live with me. You may end up raising that baby. She got herself pregnant IF that is the truth......you are not responsible for her or the child. Be very careful how you respond to this. I feel worried for you. She may be using the "possible" pregnancy to gain entry and then you will be engaged in the drama.</p><p></p><p>My reactions are just that, mine, I have no idea what your daughter is up to, I can only respond to what you've told us......but what you've shared now does not fit with what you've shared before. People don't change like that without enormous effort and help.....all she's been doing is using people and lying. Don't be blinded and then get stuck because of the pregnancy, step back and look clearly at what is going on.....protect yourselves......remember the past.</p><p></p><p>I raised my granddaughter. After that experience I was clear that if my daughter had any more babies, I didn't want to be involved. I knew if she did and I was involved, I would be raising that child too. There are many stories here of daughters getting pregnant when they are not in any position either financially, emotionally or mentally to have a child........often their expectation is that we pay for everything and take care of both of them. You and your husband should talk and look at all of the options before you commit to anything, (in my humble opinion)......I feel extraordinarily protective of you Mcdonna.......please be careful now.......please do what your gut tells you, your heart in this case, especially with a possible baby, will likely lean into empathy and compassion. However, if you look at it another way, it's a perfectly designed manipulation to get your daughter home, safe in your care where she and said baby will take over your lives for the next 20 years. PLEASE step back and give this enormous thought and take all the time you require.........this is your choice and it's a biggie.....do what is right for you and your husband. </p><p></p><p>You're ready to retire.........retire and go live the life you and your husband have imagined......</p><p></p><p>Stating what you want now is crucial. Once she's "home" you'll be in a whole new movie. And, you've been there before, you know how it goes.</p><p></p><p>Read Done Dad's posts about raising his 4 year old grandson and what he did when his daughter got pregnant again. </p><p></p><p>This is tough. Reach down deeply in your heart of hearts and ask yourself what it is you truly want, not out of obligation, fear, guilt or any manipulations but what it is YOU want. Do everything you can to protect yourself. Get out of the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) if you're in it by perhaps contacting a counselor to talk this through with.......some impartial person who can hear your concerns and support you for what is good for YOU. You matter McDonna. Figure out what you truly want and go with that. </p><p>(((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 737956, member: 13542"] Oh boy. I'm sorry Mcdonna, what a dramatic and intense couple of days. Well, for what it's worth, every part of me began reacting to your post by internally loudly proclaiming .....NO, DON'T ALLOW HER TO COME HOME!!! I had that response because I remembered the remarkable lying your daughter engaged in with the Gofundme, the asking for all kinds of money because of fabricated lies. Plus all the health issues she manufactured to get people to help. Your daughter is a consummate liar and manipulator. Don't forget the past. Only she can forget the past because she wasn't the one devastated, you were. By forgetting the past, you put yourselves in peril to repeat all of the same stuff. Pregnancy can be such a perfect ploy for our kids to gain back entry, to elicit money, to use the child for their unhealthy purposes to manipulate us to give them what they want. I would seriously question that pregnancy test, somehow it all sounds unbelievable to me and from where I sit as the observer, I have big doubts that she is really pregnant. You can manufacture a pregnancy test, that's not hard for someone like your daughter. Given the disastrous ways in which your daughter operates with major lying and deceit, thinking nothing of the legal or moral aspects of any of it, I would not allow her back because she states she is pregnant. Time will tell if that is the truth or not. Once she is in your home, your rights are going to waver. She could be lying with the idea that once she gets in your home, she can then "miscarry" and by that time, she's already gotten into your life, your money, your sense of peace. I don't believe she's changed if she is truly a borderline with all the other traits. My fear is that you are setting yourself up to have her back in your lives for a long, long time. And if she is indeed really pregnant, that is a shame. I still wouldn't allow her to come live with me. You may end up raising that baby. She got herself pregnant IF that is the truth......you are not responsible for her or the child. Be very careful how you respond to this. I feel worried for you. She may be using the "possible" pregnancy to gain entry and then you will be engaged in the drama. My reactions are just that, mine, I have no idea what your daughter is up to, I can only respond to what you've told us......but what you've shared now does not fit with what you've shared before. People don't change like that without enormous effort and help.....all she's been doing is using people and lying. Don't be blinded and then get stuck because of the pregnancy, step back and look clearly at what is going on.....protect yourselves......remember the past. I raised my granddaughter. After that experience I was clear that if my daughter had any more babies, I didn't want to be involved. I knew if she did and I was involved, I would be raising that child too. There are many stories here of daughters getting pregnant when they are not in any position either financially, emotionally or mentally to have a child........often their expectation is that we pay for everything and take care of both of them. You and your husband should talk and look at all of the options before you commit to anything, (in my humble opinion)......I feel extraordinarily protective of you Mcdonna.......please be careful now.......please do what your gut tells you, your heart in this case, especially with a possible baby, will likely lean into empathy and compassion. However, if you look at it another way, it's a perfectly designed manipulation to get your daughter home, safe in your care where she and said baby will take over your lives for the next 20 years. PLEASE step back and give this enormous thought and take all the time you require.........this is your choice and it's a biggie.....do what is right for you and your husband. You're ready to retire.........retire and go live the life you and your husband have imagined...... Stating what you want now is crucial. Once she's "home" you'll be in a whole new movie. And, you've been there before, you know how it goes. Read Done Dad's posts about raising his 4 year old grandson and what he did when his daughter got pregnant again. This is tough. Reach down deeply in your heart of hearts and ask yourself what it is you truly want, not out of obligation, fear, guilt or any manipulations but what it is YOU want. Do everything you can to protect yourself. Get out of the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) if you're in it by perhaps contacting a counselor to talk this through with.......some impartial person who can hear your concerns and support you for what is good for YOU. You matter McDonna. Figure out what you truly want and go with that. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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