the air is clearer

[pigless in VA]

I couldn't take the secrecy anymore. I sat Ferb down and had a talk with him about Mrs. W. He understands that the police will question him. He listened to me about her and her "issues". He doesn't fully grasp how pitifully sick this woman is, but that is due to his age.

He is ready to end the relationship with her, but he feels he cannot do it at this moment because she is in a bad place in life. (I bit my tongue hard on that. Stupid sick woman.) She has lost her job even though the news did not report it. She has lost her marriage. She is facing prison time. She is suicidal. Ferb is not. He seems resolute that he is not going to abandon her at this juncture. Basically, he is behaving more like an adult and she is more like a child.

He understood why I did not want her at my house and agree to abide by rule. He knows the neighbors are watching.

We had a very honest and calm talk and I am no longer worried about his mental health. I still hate that he is sucked into this sick woman's drama. And yes we discussed at length how warped her choices have been.
I made a point of explaining how she has lied to everyone in her life. He thinks he is the "only one," but I made him stop and think about her husband. I told him I thought that other boys are involved.

 

[BusynMember]

Pigless, good for you and, in his eighteen year old way, Ferb as well.

How soon before college? All the young pretty women his age at college should rinse off the putrid stain of Mrs. Perp. Hopefully some cute coed will be drawn to him right away.

Distance does NOT make a young boys heart griw fonder. Sounds like college distractions will help him move on.

Good luck. You have done great in a very sick and challenging situation.

 

[Lil]

Basically, he is behaving more like an adult and she is more like a child.

This does not surprise me. Women who do this seek boys because that is their emotional age. Whereas a boy Ferb's age has moments of "adulthood", she really doesn't. On the up side, maybe he can be convinced that SHE is endangering herself by continuing to see him and he must end things for "her own good".

I'm really glad you had a talk. I think it needed to happen. There didn't seem to be much to gain by pretending you didn't know. He had to know you aren't that stupid, given all the clues being left behind.

 

[CrazyinVA]

This is good news...great job, mom

 

[KTMom91]

I'm glad he was receptive.

 

[Nomad]

Sooo many positives...
-you don't believe Ferb is suicidal
-the woman was arrested and lost her job
-you are communicating with your son/he was receptive to your input
-the neighbors are keeping an "eye out"
-he is seeing a therapist and is college bound

Good thoughts that he meets nice young men and women at school and this will fade away.

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

Isn't it wonderful when our Difficult Children surprise us this way?

Sometimes I think we, the adults, get so wrapped up in the drama and chaos caused by this type of child, that in our own way, we can't really see them as anything other than that. I know that I struggle to conceive of Difficult Stepson as having any type of competence whatsoever. It hurts to write that, but it is true. It is a combination of my own issues/damage, and the hell that we have gone through with him these past two years especially. My fears about his past prevent me from seeing who he is now, in the present. Sounds like maybe you had a similar experience and in your case, Ferb displayed that he has come quite a way from where he was before.

I am so happy to hear this news. Congratulations!

 

[pigless in VA]

Yes, I was pleasantly surprised at his attitude. The downside: he has become famous at his school for this. When the story broke in the news, his classmates thought he was the one who turned her in - that's how obvious his relationship with her was/is. Other kids are coming to him for advice on women and calling him a "legend."

None of this notoriety sits well with me, and I didn't care for his macho attitude about it. He had great difficulty understanding how his actions affected the rest of the family. If Candy had to attend that school again this upcoming year, I would be livid. Thankfully, no one has to know about it in the new town.

 

[pasajes4]

I am surprised that he has not been questioned about his involvement with this pargon of virtue.

 

[pigless in VA]

He will be; I'm sure of it. Mrs. W is a complete mess. Ferb says she is extremely upset that everyone is talking about her negatively. Serious issues with that one.

My heart goes out to her husband; his life has been turned upside down for this "paragon."

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

It is sadly a double standard that if a female student is abused by a male teacher, the victim's peers are very ready to call it what it is: molestation. But if a male student is abused by a female teacher, it's a very different story. The student is seen as a "stud" who "got lucky." My brother was abused by a male teacher in high school. For years I wanted to disclose to the authorities but over his harsh objections I never did. The abuser is now dead. But I will always regret not exposing him. I am sure my brother was not his only victim. My brother saw it as a conquest and also as a valid relationship. Maybe Ferb feels this way about his abuser.

Does his therapist know all of this?