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The Apple and the Tree...
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 739522" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Thank you for this. That’s how I feel too. I’ve always related more to my animals than to most people. She was a sweet and gentle soul who was there for me through the worst years of my life and the best. I’m glad we ended on the best. Our other animals are a comfort to me now. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don’t feel like a hero, then or now. I just felt small and scared and mostly helpless. I tried. I did my best. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks for this, and for your story. It’s so hard to know what to do when ‘the system’ is so uneven. I’ve known loving and devoted foster families that make me think it would have been better for them. And I’ve heard terrible stories of indifference, abuse, or unwanted kids being separated from siblings and shuffled around from house to house and school to school. My understanding is that legal changes in my state would make it easier for someone in my position to petition for visitation rights or be considered for placement if children were removed from their bio parents. It did not seem to be the case then. One lawyer told me there was no precedent for step parent rights in the state, and I should estimate at least $50k for a fight he could not guarantee we would win. It might as well have been $50million. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know! It infuriated me. They were under no obligation to take him in, but once they did changing their minds like that does seem worse than not taking him in at all. Like telling someone to jump from a burning building and then walking away with the trampoline while they’re halfway down. </p><p></p><p>That said, I know I have only C’s side of the story, and I don’t really know what went down. Perhaps there is more to it. And no matter what happened, he knows he has to be able to hold his temper and not escalate. We’ve talked about how he has to own his own responses, no matter what outside circumstances are. Of course, he didn’t have a very good example growing up! </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I didn’t know there was no statute of limitations. Or that he could qualify for services. Something to think about! </p><p></p><p>I guess I got used to the idea that authorities were not there to help. C’s dad was a cop. (Retired now.) so who were we going to call? He knew everyone who would have come, and he knew everyone in the court system if it went that way. So if I threatened to call when things got bad he would just laugh at me. Perhaps there would be a chance at some Justice now? </p><p></p><p>I think C is too old for job Corp and he would not qualify for military. He actually tried to enlist when he was 21, and got rejected due to a couple of minor physical disabilities. </p><p></p><p>He has had so much to overcome in his life, and I want so badly to see things start going right for him. I can’t give up on him, even when he’s messing up himself. But I know I can’t fix it all for him either. I can just be here to listen, offer guidance when he seems open to it, offer more substantial help when he’s willing to do his part and meet me halfway. </p><p></p><p>I am intrigued by the therapeutic programs you mention. I’ll have to find out more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 739522, member: 23349"] Thank you for this. That’s how I feel too. I’ve always related more to my animals than to most people. She was a sweet and gentle soul who was there for me through the worst years of my life and the best. I’m glad we ended on the best. Our other animals are a comfort to me now. I don’t feel like a hero, then or now. I just felt small and scared and mostly helpless. I tried. I did my best. Thanks for this, and for your story. It’s so hard to know what to do when ‘the system’ is so uneven. I’ve known loving and devoted foster families that make me think it would have been better for them. And I’ve heard terrible stories of indifference, abuse, or unwanted kids being separated from siblings and shuffled around from house to house and school to school. My understanding is that legal changes in my state would make it easier for someone in my position to petition for visitation rights or be considered for placement if children were removed from their bio parents. It did not seem to be the case then. One lawyer told me there was no precedent for step parent rights in the state, and I should estimate at least $50k for a fight he could not guarantee we would win. It might as well have been $50million. I know! It infuriated me. They were under no obligation to take him in, but once they did changing their minds like that does seem worse than not taking him in at all. Like telling someone to jump from a burning building and then walking away with the trampoline while they’re halfway down. That said, I know I have only C’s side of the story, and I don’t really know what went down. Perhaps there is more to it. And no matter what happened, he knows he has to be able to hold his temper and not escalate. We’ve talked about how he has to own his own responses, no matter what outside circumstances are. Of course, he didn’t have a very good example growing up! I didn’t know there was no statute of limitations. Or that he could qualify for services. Something to think about! I guess I got used to the idea that authorities were not there to help. C’s dad was a cop. (Retired now.) so who were we going to call? He knew everyone who would have come, and he knew everyone in the court system if it went that way. So if I threatened to call when things got bad he would just laugh at me. Perhaps there would be a chance at some Justice now? I think C is too old for job Corp and he would not qualify for military. He actually tried to enlist when he was 21, and got rejected due to a couple of minor physical disabilities. He has had so much to overcome in his life, and I want so badly to see things start going right for him. I can’t give up on him, even when he’s messing up himself. But I know I can’t fix it all for him either. I can just be here to listen, offer guidance when he seems open to it, offer more substantial help when he’s willing to do his part and meet me halfway. I am intrigued by the therapeutic programs you mention. I’ll have to find out more. [/QUOTE]
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