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the ball is in his court??
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 723059" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Of course he has the wherewithall, but it obviously appears he does NOT WANT to do any of it at this time / or ever maybe.</p><p></p><p>From several things I've seen in your posts, I also feel he has the wherewithall to figure out things for himself when he's away and on his own. He was a bit down and out, but "<em>getting it done.</em>" - just not your way. And when you express your fears and anxieties to him, he of course feels he is cannot make it on his own, so showed up back home, as you wanted all along.</p><p></p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p></p><p>You don't want him to suffer and you want him to come home, but you don't want to enable.</p><p>But then you don't like who he is when he is home and "not homeless".</p><p>He is a man, and he does want to call the shots in his life, and he should ~ on the other hand you don't like his shots, but you want him to be home (on your terms since it is your house).</p><p>Our "<em>fretting"</em> usually springs from a determination to get our own way. That is not going to happen. He is a different person with a different way, with his own soul and his own (different) yearning for his life, as he desires.</p><p></p><p>It is hard for sure to let go, to "<em>let him be</em>". I see my own son out and about at times, and find it hard to "<em>let him be</em>", ( yet love still as a son) ~ But for me, it is a lot easier to see him in "lean times" - seeing him realize himself that he has to struggle and even get hurt, than it would be for me to be the one "dying" little by little and struggling, if he was home and ALL the ugliness that goes with that. </p><p></p><p>We are all learning here together. The hard truths are not easy, we know. But we are going to be alright ... day by day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 723059, member: 19617"] Of course he has the wherewithall, but it obviously appears he does NOT WANT to do any of it at this time / or ever maybe. From several things I've seen in your posts, I also feel he has the wherewithall to figure out things for himself when he's away and on his own. He was a bit down and out, but "[I]getting it done.[/I]" - just not your way. And when you express your fears and anxieties to him, he of course feels he is cannot make it on his own, so showed up back home, as you wanted all along. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You don't want him to suffer and you want him to come home, but you don't want to enable. But then you don't like who he is when he is home and "not homeless". He is a man, and he does want to call the shots in his life, and he should ~ on the other hand you don't like his shots, but you want him to be home (on your terms since it is your house). Our "[I]fretting"[/I] usually springs from a determination to get our own way. That is not going to happen. He is a different person with a different way, with his own soul and his own (different) yearning for his life, as he desires. It is hard for sure to let go, to "[I]let him be[/I]". I see my own son out and about at times, and find it hard to "[I]let him be[/I]", ( yet love still as a son) ~ But for me, it is a lot easier to see him in "lean times" - seeing him realize himself that he has to struggle and even get hurt, than it would be for me to be the one "dying" little by little and struggling, if he was home and ALL the ugliness that goes with that. We are all learning here together. The hard truths are not easy, we know. But we are going to be alright ... day by day. [/QUOTE]
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the ball is in his court??
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