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the ball is in his court??
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 723377" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>my son called today a couple times. he said he felt tranquil and was reading the novel the count of monte cristo.</p><p></p><p>m and his brother law were washing our cars. i made chicken soup and told m to ask his brother in law to stay to eat.</p><p></p><p>you see. i wanted my son here too. i longed for it.</p><p></p><p>i had told my son: try to talk to m. (j did not call m before he came back here. which m felt as a rebuke.)</p><p></p><p> m does for j, advocates for him and j marginalizes m. i am caught in the middle. </p><p></p><p>m is constantly telling me what j leaves dirty.</p><p></p><p>and it is true. but i feel like he is constantly criticizing me. i can't take it. </p><p></p><p>well. my son called m several times who did not answer. i asked m about it and he said he did not recognize the (new) number.</p><p></p><p>and ensued a fight. </p><p></p><p>i ask that you please let j talk to you. as it is it is just conflict. i want son to be able to come over at some point without an atnosphere of hostlity. i understand he makes poor choices that irritate you. i am asking that there be something other than rancor.</p><p></p><p>well tell him to come over if you want to. </p><p></p><p>i am not asking that, for today.. i am asking only that you allow him to speak to you.</p><p></p><p>well he said. you said you were not going to talk to him until tuesday. the day of the drug test. you never stick with what you say. </p><p></p><p>m. he is my son. i am anxious. i love him. i believe he loves me. of course you could be right this is a manipulation. but i do not believe it is.</p><p></p><p>well. tell him to come over and see if he loves you.</p><p></p><p>m left the house. </p><p></p><p>the triangulation is impossible to bear. i cannot/do not want to stand hard against my son. i crave his companionship. i am so anxious about myself. i no longer want to defend myself. m feels if he does not stay hard my son will eat us both alive.</p><p></p><p>this was true. i don't think so now. but i do know there has been a willfulness about my son's inconsideration. like passive aggression.</p><p></p><p>i can understand m's point of view. that joseph has to earn closeness with us. earn our confidence. earn a place back here. i get it rationally. </p><p></p><p>i just do not feel this. </p><p></p><p>and i do not want a relationship where i am constantly having to defend myself for stuff i did not do. and over which i have no control. except by distancing my son. which i am sick and tired of doing. </p><p></p><p>but i know i am not strong enough to do this alone. m has shouldered the bulk of responsibility. with my son. with many things.</p><p></p><p>i probably should not have said anything to m (or j) and let them work this out on their own. </p><p></p><p>m has been nothing but good to j.</p><p> i should have left it as it was.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 723377, member: 18958"] my son called today a couple times. he said he felt tranquil and was reading the novel the count of monte cristo. m and his brother law were washing our cars. i made chicken soup and told m to ask his brother in law to stay to eat. you see. i wanted my son here too. i longed for it. i had told my son: try to talk to m. (j did not call m before he came back here. which m felt as a rebuke.) m does for j, advocates for him and j marginalizes m. i am caught in the middle. m is constantly telling me what j leaves dirty. and it is true. but i feel like he is constantly criticizing me. i can't take it. well. my son called m several times who did not answer. i asked m about it and he said he did not recognize the (new) number. and ensued a fight. i ask that you please let j talk to you. as it is it is just conflict. i want son to be able to come over at some point without an atnosphere of hostlity. i understand he makes poor choices that irritate you. i am asking that there be something other than rancor. well tell him to come over if you want to. i am not asking that, for today.. i am asking only that you allow him to speak to you. well he said. you said you were not going to talk to him until tuesday. the day of the drug test. you never stick with what you say. m. he is my son. i am anxious. i love him. i believe he loves me. of course you could be right this is a manipulation. but i do not believe it is. well. tell him to come over and see if he loves you. m left the house. the triangulation is impossible to bear. i cannot/do not want to stand hard against my son. i crave his companionship. i am so anxious about myself. i no longer want to defend myself. m feels if he does not stay hard my son will eat us both alive. this was true. i don't think so now. but i do know there has been a willfulness about my son's inconsideration. like passive aggression. i can understand m's point of view. that joseph has to earn closeness with us. earn our confidence. earn a place back here. i get it rationally. i just do not feel this. and i do not want a relationship where i am constantly having to defend myself for stuff i did not do. and over which i have no control. except by distancing my son. which i am sick and tired of doing. but i know i am not strong enough to do this alone. m has shouldered the bulk of responsibility. with my son. with many things. i probably should not have said anything to m (or j) and let them work this out on their own. m has been nothing but good to j. i should have left it as it was. [/QUOTE]
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