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the ball is in his court??
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 724389" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Dear Copa...I agree with Albatross...With my son it was even more - my thing was his teeth. His $5,000 in orthodonture which has reverted to his former crooked mess, unbrushed and brown and probably held together by plaque. When he was with me I couldn't stop myself from telling him to brush his teeth. A grown man and his mother is telling him to brush his teeth. That's ridiculous, isn't it? They're better now...at least, less brown, but I still stare at his teeth when I see him. </p><p></p><p>And clothes. Always black, always ratty and too big and often unwashed. I KNOW - I truly do know - how it feels to see your son dressed in rags, unwashed, knowing he could do better. I hated it. I still hate it. When we went to Colorado and met him and his girlfriend to go out to dinner, he was wearing old trousers that had been cut off below the knee and a grungy hugely oversized t-shirt, a beanie cap pulled over his stringy hair. the rest of us had all made an effort to look nice, meeting the girlfriend for the first time, and he looked like a homeless person. </p><p></p><p>I bit my tongue. A bit. Yeah, okay...I commented on his clothes and hair (which he ignored and defended but it was all done jokingly by me so he didn't take it to heart) and I <em>did</em> ask that he make a bit of an effort to look better when we took them to Estes Park. And...well, his pants weren't cut off and his t-shirt appeared to be clean, if wrinkled. That's about as good as I could hope for. </p><p></p><p>His girlfriend and I have had a long talk by text about how wonderful he would look in any color than black. She's buying him clothes for Christmas so he can't say he doesn't own anything else. I'm hoping he'll clean up a bit just to please her. Yes, I admit, it's easier for me as I don't have to see him daily.</p><p></p><p>Baby steps. Your son is making an effort in some ways. He's seeing the counselor. Your prior post was very positive. There will be ups and downs. Our d.c.'s are like 4 year olds in some respects - you have to pick your battles. If they get up and get ready for the day without tears and fights, does it really matter if they are in a green tutu and purple sweatshirt? </p><p></p><p>One thing at a time. With improvements in other areas, improvement in appearance will come. </p><p></p><p>Or not.</p><p></p><p>Maybe, like mine apparently, he <em>likes</em> looking like a slob. He's a grown man. Isn't that his choice to make? A decent wardrobe wasn't one of your conditions of letting him come home? Was it? </p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is to ignore the appearance...so don't be offended. This is just my 2 cents. </p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 724389, member: 17309"] Dear Copa...I agree with Albatross...With my son it was even more - my thing was his teeth. His $5,000 in orthodonture which has reverted to his former crooked mess, unbrushed and brown and probably held together by plaque. When he was with me I couldn't stop myself from telling him to brush his teeth. A grown man and his mother is telling him to brush his teeth. That's ridiculous, isn't it? They're better now...at least, less brown, but I still stare at his teeth when I see him. And clothes. Always black, always ratty and too big and often unwashed. I KNOW - I truly do know - how it feels to see your son dressed in rags, unwashed, knowing he could do better. I hated it. I still hate it. When we went to Colorado and met him and his girlfriend to go out to dinner, he was wearing old trousers that had been cut off below the knee and a grungy hugely oversized t-shirt, a beanie cap pulled over his stringy hair. the rest of us had all made an effort to look nice, meeting the girlfriend for the first time, and he looked like a homeless person. I bit my tongue. A bit. Yeah, okay...I commented on his clothes and hair (which he ignored and defended but it was all done jokingly by me so he didn't take it to heart) and I [I]did[/I] ask that he make a bit of an effort to look better when we took them to Estes Park. And...well, his pants weren't cut off and his t-shirt appeared to be clean, if wrinkled. That's about as good as I could hope for. His girlfriend and I have had a long talk by text about how wonderful he would look in any color than black. She's buying him clothes for Christmas so he can't say he doesn't own anything else. I'm hoping he'll clean up a bit just to please her. Yes, I admit, it's easier for me as I don't have to see him daily. Baby steps. Your son is making an effort in some ways. He's seeing the counselor. Your prior post was very positive. There will be ups and downs. Our d.c.'s are like 4 year olds in some respects - you have to pick your battles. If they get up and get ready for the day without tears and fights, does it really matter if they are in a green tutu and purple sweatshirt? One thing at a time. With improvements in other areas, improvement in appearance will come. Or not. Maybe, like mine apparently, he [I]likes[/I] looking like a slob. He's a grown man. Isn't that his choice to make? A decent wardrobe wasn't one of your conditions of letting him come home? Was it? I know how hard it is to ignore the appearance...so don't be offended. This is just my 2 cents. :hugs: [/QUOTE]
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