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The child we'd kn adopted as an older kid
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<blockquote data-quote="mom_to_3" data-source="post: 43047" data-attributes="member: 30"><p>Pam,</p><p></p><p> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">How do you forget a child? It's like losing a limb? It's worse. </div></div></p><p></p><p>From experience, you will never forget your child, no matter what they have done or not done, or said or not said in the past. For your own self preservation you have to somehow learn how to "put it in it's place". You will always love that child and yearn for the normalcy that we are fortunate enough to experience with our other children. I have had to work hard to learn and believe that all relationships are not created equal. And, the kind of relationship we want with our estranged difficult child's is obviously not the kind of relationship THEY want. I have to respect that for two reasons.......... One, you can't force someone participate in a relationship that isn't willing, nor would you want to. Second, at this point in their lives, I believe they are not even capable of the give and take of an adult - parent/child relationship.</p><p></p><p>It hurts and it keeps on hurting. I was mowing our yard yesterday and was thinking about my difficult child and mothers day. We adopted our difficult child. She has contact with her bio Mom, and has had several foster mom's and doesn't have a problem at all with calling just about any woman Mom. Tears sprung to my eyes when I thought of that. I was the MOM that loved her all those years, dried her tears, bathed, fed, taught, supported, cheered for and played with her all those years. Her version of loyalty and love is different than mine. And THAT IS SAD! But it has to be that way, just because it is. I can't change that.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child has a beautiful 3 yr. old little boy. Our Grandson. We haven't seen him for a few months!!! I am extremely hurt that we were not even enough of a priority for our difficult child to bring him to us.</p><p></p><p>You know what, I could be a bitter, bitter sad woman if I allowed myself to dwell on the negative and didn't come to some sort of peace regarding our difficult child. In my mind, it has it's "place". This is also a time I rely on GRACE. I sometimes feel grace, I ask for grace and I give grace. When thinking of my Grandson, I will on occasion allow myself to feel sad that we are not more involved in his life. Mainly when I think of him and look at his pictures he brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart. I can't say the same for his mother, my daughter. When I think of her or see her pictures, I feel sadness, sadness for what could have been, what should have been and what isn't. Ack! I better stop that or I'll be in tears. One thing that brings me semi peace is that my difficult child daughter professes to be happy. I guess as parents, that's what we want right? Our children to be happy?</p><p></p><p>Pam, I truly believe that at some point our difficult child's will come back to us and we will have peace. Happy Mother's Day from me and from all of our children that are unable to express or appreciate the loving, motherly care you provided them.</p><p></p><p>Donna aka mom_to_3</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mom_to_3, post: 43047, member: 30"] Pam, <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">How do you forget a child? It's like losing a limb? It's worse. </div></div> From experience, you will never forget your child, no matter what they have done or not done, or said or not said in the past. For your own self preservation you have to somehow learn how to "put it in it's place". You will always love that child and yearn for the normalcy that we are fortunate enough to experience with our other children. I have had to work hard to learn and believe that all relationships are not created equal. And, the kind of relationship we want with our estranged difficult child's is obviously not the kind of relationship THEY want. I have to respect that for two reasons.......... One, you can't force someone participate in a relationship that isn't willing, nor would you want to. Second, at this point in their lives, I believe they are not even capable of the give and take of an adult - parent/child relationship. It hurts and it keeps on hurting. I was mowing our yard yesterday and was thinking about my difficult child and mothers day. We adopted our difficult child. She has contact with her bio Mom, and has had several foster mom's and doesn't have a problem at all with calling just about any woman Mom. Tears sprung to my eyes when I thought of that. I was the MOM that loved her all those years, dried her tears, bathed, fed, taught, supported, cheered for and played with her all those years. Her version of loyalty and love is different than mine. And THAT IS SAD! But it has to be that way, just because it is. I can't change that. My difficult child has a beautiful 3 yr. old little boy. Our Grandson. We haven't seen him for a few months!!! I am extremely hurt that we were not even enough of a priority for our difficult child to bring him to us. You know what, I could be a bitter, bitter sad woman if I allowed myself to dwell on the negative and didn't come to some sort of peace regarding our difficult child. In my mind, it has it's "place". This is also a time I rely on GRACE. I sometimes feel grace, I ask for grace and I give grace. When thinking of my Grandson, I will on occasion allow myself to feel sad that we are not more involved in his life. Mainly when I think of him and look at his pictures he brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart. I can't say the same for his mother, my daughter. When I think of her or see her pictures, I feel sadness, sadness for what could have been, what should have been and what isn't. Ack! I better stop that or I'll be in tears. One thing that brings me semi peace is that my difficult child daughter professes to be happy. I guess as parents, that's what we want right? Our children to be happy? Pam, I truly believe that at some point our difficult child's will come back to us and we will have peace. Happy Mother's Day from me and from all of our children that are unable to express or appreciate the loving, motherly care you provided them. Donna aka mom_to_3 [/QUOTE]
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