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The cycles
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 735838" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Deni, I support you holding the line with your son. I understand the cycles you're talking about, I've watched my daughter go thru similar cycles. She hasn't been diagnosed, but bi-polar is rampant in my family as well. She will pull her life together for a time and then it would blow up and any advances she had would fall back into the abyss. She usually didn't see the connection between her actions and how they initiated the down turn. Without accountability, insight and the ability to see oneself clearly, change is hard......change generally arrives when we can take responsibility for our actions, admit to our mistakes and get motivated to do the hard work necessary to heal and grow. Without that, one remains in inertia.....stuck.....and often that involves blaming and manipulation.</p><p></p><p>Bi-polar cycling is different for everyone. One can cycle in hours, days or months. Three month cycling is pretty common. It seems as if you have some insight into your son's cycling. Hopefully as time goes by, he will gain that insight as well.</p><p></p><p>My experience is that boundaries make all the difference. As you hold that line and refuse to enable or take any responsibility for your son's behaviors and choices, he will either take that responsibility or find someone else to enable him.......but YOU will have successfully removed yourself from his unhealthy orbit so you don't follow him down the rabbit hole.</p><p></p><p>As I've consistently kept strong boundaries, my daughter has adapted to the boundaries which allowed us to separate the unhealthy parts of our connection and allow healthier ways to emerge.</p><p></p><p>You sound strong and resolved Deni, good for you. I questioned myself too, but we are out of typical parenting, that doesn't apply here, so it's new and doubts arise......however, I believe you are doing the exact right thing.</p><p></p><p>Stay the course. Hang in there and keep posting, it helps a lot.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 735838, member: 13542"] Deni, I support you holding the line with your son. I understand the cycles you're talking about, I've watched my daughter go thru similar cycles. She hasn't been diagnosed, but bi-polar is rampant in my family as well. She will pull her life together for a time and then it would blow up and any advances she had would fall back into the abyss. She usually didn't see the connection between her actions and how they initiated the down turn. Without accountability, insight and the ability to see oneself clearly, change is hard......change generally arrives when we can take responsibility for our actions, admit to our mistakes and get motivated to do the hard work necessary to heal and grow. Without that, one remains in inertia.....stuck.....and often that involves blaming and manipulation. Bi-polar cycling is different for everyone. One can cycle in hours, days or months. Three month cycling is pretty common. It seems as if you have some insight into your son's cycling. Hopefully as time goes by, he will gain that insight as well. My experience is that boundaries make all the difference. As you hold that line and refuse to enable or take any responsibility for your son's behaviors and choices, he will either take that responsibility or find someone else to enable him.......but YOU will have successfully removed yourself from his unhealthy orbit so you don't follow him down the rabbit hole. As I've consistently kept strong boundaries, my daughter has adapted to the boundaries which allowed us to separate the unhealthy parts of our connection and allow healthier ways to emerge. You sound strong and resolved Deni, good for you. I questioned myself too, but we are out of typical parenting, that doesn't apply here, so it's new and doubts arise......however, I believe you are doing the exact right thing. Stay the course. Hang in there and keep posting, it helps a lot. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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