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The David Pelzer "A Child Called It" Family War aftermath of book
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 655005" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I've read about the author and I don't think HE wrote the book. I think he relayed the stories to his editor, who ended up marrying him, and she wrote it, which may explain the lack of emotion. </p><p></p><p>Whether or not every little detail is true, this is the typical dynamics of family abuse. You get the non-targets who say it wasn't so bad as they want to think it wasn't and they didn't have it so bad, if bad at all. They may even think the kid deserved it. You get the extended family and their two cents...I am so happy I have virtually no extended family. Sometimes abuse memoirs sound like the family was at war...we didn't have enough people for that. </p><p></p><p>I do know that my brother and sister do not see any abuse from my mother and think I'm lying, but I'm not. So I see this dynamic (and read about it as well) in more than just the Pelzer book. Usually the siblings will say, "Well, she had a hot temper" or "yes, she was a little crazy, but not that bad" because it was that way for them. My sister did get a lot of more neglect than abuse in her early years and it has affected her greatly. I'd feel badly about it if she had any caring for my own experience. My brother is so out of it...she never raised her voice to him. He was God. She even kind of used him as a surrogate husband (not sexulally) but as a friend and sometbody she relied on for making decisions...he would have no clue. Obviously she told her side of the story. I never recall getting a chance or being asked for mine...he just does not get it because he was treated like he was a king. I understand him more thatn Sis who has had many issues because of our upbringing. But, in t he end, we all want to think our parents are good people and we are often willing to overlook a lot and it is easier to target a sibling than a parent.</p><p></p><p>Russell probably wrote his own book so it came across as more emotional. David shows me he has been abused by the incredible interest he has in abused and foster children. One does not make something a life focus if it doesn't hit home. You don't have that passion to reach out to unwanted children if you felt wanted...at least not in the same way abused/neglected adults do. </p><p></p><p>I think that, along with abuse of any kind, be it verbal destruction, physical violence, or sexual abuse or all three, you develop problems, but you always tend to have compassion that other people do not understand. My first husband used to say, "Stop sending stuff to those poor people! You can't keep sending money and your clothes to other pe ople. YOU need it." He didn't use that wording. He was puzzled and annoyed that I cared about some woman with epilespy who couldn't work and had no coat for herself or her daughter. I had five coats. He did not get why I sent her three warm coats. I also sent money. That particular story really hurt my heart as well as many others. I've had people ask my why I volunteer because I don't get paid. </p><p></p><p>If you are the scapegoat, it changes you. It sets you apart from other people and you feel different and often you stay to yourself, except when you find a cause you can relate to and can help. You get hypervigilent too about abuse and can tell when somebody else is being harassed and in my case, if it's physical, I will intervene. The second time around, I had to marry a compassionate man with a big heart. I was not done helping kids...I wanted more kids. I wanted to help animals. He loves animals too. </p><p></p><p>Done rambling, but I see indication in David Pelzer's real life that he was definitely abused badly. Most people do not worry about misplaced, sad, unloved children and he makes it his life's work to try and help them. </p><p></p><p>You will not ever see an abuser doing something like that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 655005, member: 1550"] I've read about the author and I don't think HE wrote the book. I think he relayed the stories to his editor, who ended up marrying him, and she wrote it, which may explain the lack of emotion. Whether or not every little detail is true, this is the typical dynamics of family abuse. You get the non-targets who say it wasn't so bad as they want to think it wasn't and they didn't have it so bad, if bad at all. They may even think the kid deserved it. You get the extended family and their two cents...I am so happy I have virtually no extended family. Sometimes abuse memoirs sound like the family was at war...we didn't have enough people for that. I do know that my brother and sister do not see any abuse from my mother and think I'm lying, but I'm not. So I see this dynamic (and read about it as well) in more than just the Pelzer book. Usually the siblings will say, "Well, she had a hot temper" or "yes, she was a little crazy, but not that bad" because it was that way for them. My sister did get a lot of more neglect than abuse in her early years and it has affected her greatly. I'd feel badly about it if she had any caring for my own experience. My brother is so out of it...she never raised her voice to him. He was God. She even kind of used him as a surrogate husband (not sexulally) but as a friend and sometbody she relied on for making decisions...he would have no clue. Obviously she told her side of the story. I never recall getting a chance or being asked for mine...he just does not get it because he was treated like he was a king. I understand him more thatn Sis who has had many issues because of our upbringing. But, in t he end, we all want to think our parents are good people and we are often willing to overlook a lot and it is easier to target a sibling than a parent. Russell probably wrote his own book so it came across as more emotional. David shows me he has been abused by the incredible interest he has in abused and foster children. One does not make something a life focus if it doesn't hit home. You don't have that passion to reach out to unwanted children if you felt wanted...at least not in the same way abused/neglected adults do. I think that, along with abuse of any kind, be it verbal destruction, physical violence, or sexual abuse or all three, you develop problems, but you always tend to have compassion that other people do not understand. My first husband used to say, "Stop sending stuff to those poor people! You can't keep sending money and your clothes to other pe ople. YOU need it." He didn't use that wording. He was puzzled and annoyed that I cared about some woman with epilespy who couldn't work and had no coat for herself or her daughter. I had five coats. He did not get why I sent her three warm coats. I also sent money. That particular story really hurt my heart as well as many others. I've had people ask my why I volunteer because I don't get paid. If you are the scapegoat, it changes you. It sets you apart from other people and you feel different and often you stay to yourself, except when you find a cause you can relate to and can help. You get hypervigilent too about abuse and can tell when somebody else is being harassed and in my case, if it's physical, I will intervene. The second time around, I had to marry a compassionate man with a big heart. I was not done helping kids...I wanted more kids. I wanted to help animals. He loves animals too. Done rambling, but I see indication in David Pelzer's real life that he was definitely abused badly. Most people do not worry about misplaced, sad, unloved children and he makes it his life's work to try and help them. You will not ever see an abuser doing something like that. [/QUOTE]
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The David Pelzer "A Child Called It" Family War aftermath of book
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