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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 739995" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I would call it a nightmare. Sometimes I think, <em>it wasn’t that bad</em>. “What are you talking about Leafy? It was hell.” I didn’t want to come home. I went off to work, they were sleeping, claiming illness. Came home to a mess. Then miraculously, they were cured and out the door.</p><p> It has happened enough times that I see the pattern. Ingrained, etched into stone. They cannot come home.</p><p>We have to work very hard to break free from the patterns <em>we have set</em>. They not only sense weakening, <em>they invoke it. </em></p><p>You are getting better at setting boundaries Copa.</p><p>It is the same for my two. They do not seek help.They slide backwards into the same awful nothingness and take my home right along with them. Without batting an eye. It is completely unacceptable.</p><p> I have come to the conclusion today, at this moment that I will not allow myself to fall on the sword through suffering along with them. It devalues my life. No good comes of it, in fact, I think it only goads them into more debased living. How can they learn to value their own lives if we place such little respect for our own, becoming marks for them? That is what it all boils down to for me, that I became a mark in a con artists game. They were not looking to better themselves, nor was I working on improving <em>my own life</em>, in that suffering state, my focus was on the impossible, wanting change for them, thinking that my sacrifice would save them. It didn’t. It only emboldened them to take more advantage of me. </p><p>It is a pattern I see. They will not change it, it is too easy for them, why should they? So we must. Shift. Redirect our thoughts and emotions from the yearning and longing for change in them, to implementing change within ourselves. I really think this shift is key for them to grow and begin to look within. We no longer carry the burden of their consequences, by making a conscious effort to break away from the old patterns, we are showing them there are alternatives. That we are not responsible for their choices. It does not mean we cannot have hope or pray for them to find their potential. That is the one thing I cling to. I have to let go of any notion that it has anything to do with me. It is entirely up to them. </p><p> I am sorry for rambling. </p><p>Copa, you are doing this. Whatever you decide, you are moving forward. You have come so far on this journey. You are stronger than you think. </p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 739995, member: 19522"] I would call it a nightmare. Sometimes I think, [I]it wasn’t that bad[/I]. “What are you talking about Leafy? It was hell.” I didn’t want to come home. I went off to work, they were sleeping, claiming illness. Came home to a mess. Then miraculously, they were cured and out the door. It has happened enough times that I see the pattern. Ingrained, etched into stone. They cannot come home. We have to work very hard to break free from the patterns [I]we have set[/I]. They not only sense weakening, [I]they invoke it. [/I] You are getting better at setting boundaries Copa. It is the same for my two. They do not seek help.They slide backwards into the same awful nothingness and take my home right along with them. Without batting an eye. It is completely unacceptable. I have come to the conclusion today, at this moment that I will not allow myself to fall on the sword through suffering along with them. It devalues my life. No good comes of it, in fact, I think it only goads them into more debased living. How can they learn to value their own lives if we place such little respect for our own, becoming marks for them? That is what it all boils down to for me, that I became a mark in a con artists game. They were not looking to better themselves, nor was I working on improving [I]my own life[/I], in that suffering state, my focus was on the impossible, wanting change for them, thinking that my sacrifice would save them. It didn’t. It only emboldened them to take more advantage of me. It is a pattern I see. They will not change it, it is too easy for them, why should they? So we must. Shift. Redirect our thoughts and emotions from the yearning and longing for change in them, to implementing change within ourselves. I really think this shift is key for them to grow and begin to look within. We no longer carry the burden of their consequences, by making a conscious effort to break away from the old patterns, we are showing them there are alternatives. That we are not responsible for their choices. It does not mean we cannot have hope or pray for them to find their potential. That is the one thing I cling to. I have to let go of any notion that it has anything to do with me. It is entirely up to them. I am sorry for rambling. Copa, you are doing this. Whatever you decide, you are moving forward. You have come so far on this journey. You are stronger than you think. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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