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The good, the bad and the utterly stupid
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<blockquote data-quote="Snow White" data-source="post: 739002" data-attributes="member: 355"><p>Thanks to you all. The more I reflect on years gone by, the more it all starts bring forward feelings I tried so hard to ignore because whose daughter runs away constantly, destroys property, threatens to kill her family, scams people with fake life-threatening medical issues, ignores financial responsibilities, self-harms, threatens suicides and is basically mean to loved ones??? Certainly OUR daughter couldn't be that evil because that would reflect so badly on my husband and I. So, we must be the crazy ones. Enter gaslighting 101. She is a pro. Every now and then a memory pops up from the past (today's memory was the time she had her money benefactor ready to come to our house and set fire to it while we slept). </p><p></p><p>Her last adult diagnosis (at age 19) was that of evolving Cluster B personality disorders, along with a couple of comorbid diagnoses: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ADHD, etc. And I believe that SWOT is correct - our daughter is the poster child for antisocial, borderline, histrionic and narcissistic personality disorders (all neatly bundled together). She claims to be an empath but I know differently. I remember that when she was a child, around 6 or 7 years old - if we were out in public and she heard a baby crying (not whining but full out crying), she didn't bat an eye - never made a comment or asked what might be wrong with the baby. It bothered me then and still does today.</p><p></p><p></p><p>That will never change...sadly.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>SWOT - I imagine that when the novelty of being back in North America wears off (or her money supply does), she will go back to Asia. It is cheap and she knows the system. Distance is a good thing. We are taking the advice that you and others have offered - when/if she comes back to our house, we will not allow her/them in. They can get a hotel or hostel room and we will visit them. This past visit showed that there was no respect for us or our house. Poor guest behavior will not be rewarded or tolerated.</p><p></p><p></p><p>DoneDad - I feel sorry for the guy but he had his chance to get out alive. He got sucked back into the tornado and I am thinking that he is also mentally unstable. I can't save the world.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Leafy - I think there might be a lot more "hidden wisdom" in Dr. Suess books than we really know!!! And the link to the "Suprising Traits of Predatory People" was a direct hit. It outlines our daughter perfectly.</p><p></p><p>I believe that the recent death of our next-door neighbor's son (fentanyl-laced MDMA drug overdose) is actually helping me to also grieve the loss of a relationship (unhealthy) that I have been trying so hard to "fix". I see both of these as choices our adult children have made - that we, as parents, could not control. Hubby and I are going to therapy so that I can "let go" of my perceived failure to launch a good child. We're also focusing on our son's happy moments - a brand new house very soon and who knows what else! </p><p></p><p>{{Hugs}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Snow White, post: 739002, member: 355"] Thanks to you all. The more I reflect on years gone by, the more it all starts bring forward feelings I tried so hard to ignore because whose daughter runs away constantly, destroys property, threatens to kill her family, scams people with fake life-threatening medical issues, ignores financial responsibilities, self-harms, threatens suicides and is basically mean to loved ones??? Certainly OUR daughter couldn't be that evil because that would reflect so badly on my husband and I. So, we must be the crazy ones. Enter gaslighting 101. She is a pro. Every now and then a memory pops up from the past (today's memory was the time she had her money benefactor ready to come to our house and set fire to it while we slept). Her last adult diagnosis (at age 19) was that of evolving Cluster B personality disorders, along with a couple of comorbid diagnoses: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ADHD, etc. And I believe that SWOT is correct - our daughter is the poster child for antisocial, borderline, histrionic and narcissistic personality disorders (all neatly bundled together). She claims to be an empath but I know differently. I remember that when she was a child, around 6 or 7 years old - if we were out in public and she heard a baby crying (not whining but full out crying), she didn't bat an eye - never made a comment or asked what might be wrong with the baby. It bothered me then and still does today. That will never change...sadly. SWOT - I imagine that when the novelty of being back in North America wears off (or her money supply does), she will go back to Asia. It is cheap and she knows the system. Distance is a good thing. We are taking the advice that you and others have offered - when/if she comes back to our house, we will not allow her/them in. They can get a hotel or hostel room and we will visit them. This past visit showed that there was no respect for us or our house. Poor guest behavior will not be rewarded or tolerated. DoneDad - I feel sorry for the guy but he had his chance to get out alive. He got sucked back into the tornado and I am thinking that he is also mentally unstable. I can't save the world. Leafy - I think there might be a lot more "hidden wisdom" in Dr. Suess books than we really know!!! And the link to the "Suprising Traits of Predatory People" was a direct hit. It outlines our daughter perfectly. I believe that the recent death of our next-door neighbor's son (fentanyl-laced MDMA drug overdose) is actually helping me to also grieve the loss of a relationship (unhealthy) that I have been trying so hard to "fix". I see both of these as choices our adult children have made - that we, as parents, could not control. Hubby and I are going to therapy so that I can "let go" of my perceived failure to launch a good child. We're also focusing on our son's happy moments - a brand new house very soon and who knows what else! {{Hugs}} [/QUOTE]
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