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Substance Abuse
The Insanity Continues...
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 744233" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>Don't know what to say. I honestly don't make judgements of people. Food, services, items, like clothing, yes, but people no. I believe that the snippets of someone's life we read here are just that, tiny bits. Hardly enough to know someone much less the whole situation described. Certainly not enough to make a judgement about. I sincerely apologize if my wording suggested that I was making a judgment. When I did DBT there was a week of self-observation counting how many times I made a judgement of a person. I had trouble with that because my number was low. Judgements of myself I'm off the charts on however. But my post was not about judgements. In no way was I making any judgement of you.</p><p></p><p>I also apologize for not writing long posts. Sugar coating is not my gift nor a skill I've learned. </p><p></p><p>My knowledge of addicts comes only from reading and observing my son and others around me. None were around me until long after my son became one. My son was born to two addicts. From reading it is my understanding that statistically the child of two addicts has a very high risk of becoming one. So I set out to raise my son as best I could to handle life's ups and downs well. By example as well as training. I read of no other recommendation. I failed. My son is an addict. It feels like my failure though of course it is his choice each day to use or not use. But my attempts to keep him from it were a failure. My personal conviction is that there is a genetic pre-disposition to addiction. That is, a genetic switch which can be turned on or off by a power greater than human. If the genetic predisposition is there then its a matter of nurture right? The only choices are nurture and nature right? Wish I had answers.</p><p></p><p>What I was suggesting is that your grandson not only needs to be prepared to fight addiction should he inheret the gene, but to live with parents who are addicts. I don't personally know what that is like. But I would imagine its a lot like what we live with as parents. For example, does an addict parent call a child looking for a couch to sleep on for the night? Do they call a child looking for money, bail, etc? Do they put guilt on a child because the child inherited money? Certainly we all know of instances where addicts have done this with sibs. Why would parents be different after all, an addict sees a means to an end right? I have tried by teaching and example to train my non-addict sons how not to be manipulated by their addict bro. But its an ongoing process. So I'm suggesting that over time your grandchild will need to learn how to handle these things should they arise. And again apologies, but I do think he will learn a lot of this by observation. That's not a judgement as I have no idea of your whole story. Nor do I have any idea of your grandchild, his situation, where or who he spends time with, etc. So even if I wanted to make a judgement I couldn't.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 744233, member: 23371"] Don't know what to say. I honestly don't make judgements of people. Food, services, items, like clothing, yes, but people no. I believe that the snippets of someone's life we read here are just that, tiny bits. Hardly enough to know someone much less the whole situation described. Certainly not enough to make a judgement about. I sincerely apologize if my wording suggested that I was making a judgment. When I did DBT there was a week of self-observation counting how many times I made a judgement of a person. I had trouble with that because my number was low. Judgements of myself I'm off the charts on however. But my post was not about judgements. In no way was I making any judgement of you. I also apologize for not writing long posts. Sugar coating is not my gift nor a skill I've learned. My knowledge of addicts comes only from reading and observing my son and others around me. None were around me until long after my son became one. My son was born to two addicts. From reading it is my understanding that statistically the child of two addicts has a very high risk of becoming one. So I set out to raise my son as best I could to handle life's ups and downs well. By example as well as training. I read of no other recommendation. I failed. My son is an addict. It feels like my failure though of course it is his choice each day to use or not use. But my attempts to keep him from it were a failure. My personal conviction is that there is a genetic pre-disposition to addiction. That is, a genetic switch which can be turned on or off by a power greater than human. If the genetic predisposition is there then its a matter of nurture right? The only choices are nurture and nature right? Wish I had answers. What I was suggesting is that your grandson not only needs to be prepared to fight addiction should he inheret the gene, but to live with parents who are addicts. I don't personally know what that is like. But I would imagine its a lot like what we live with as parents. For example, does an addict parent call a child looking for a couch to sleep on for the night? Do they call a child looking for money, bail, etc? Do they put guilt on a child because the child inherited money? Certainly we all know of instances where addicts have done this with sibs. Why would parents be different after all, an addict sees a means to an end right? I have tried by teaching and example to train my non-addict sons how not to be manipulated by their addict bro. But its an ongoing process. So I'm suggesting that over time your grandchild will need to learn how to handle these things should they arise. And again apologies, but I do think he will learn a lot of this by observation. That's not a judgement as I have no idea of your whole story. Nor do I have any idea of your grandchild, his situation, where or who he spends time with, etc. So even if I wanted to make a judgement I couldn't. [/QUOTE]
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