Hi everyone,
It’s been a while. My teenage daughter is now a 26 year old mother. She came back to my home October 2019 and hasn’t made any progress to be self sufficient or move out. The only thing she has added to her life is a child. She is very disrespectful, ungrateful and since the birth of her child last September there has been nothing but arguments, nastiness, attitude and pure disrespect of me, my husband and my home. She didn’t pay rent, does little or nothing to help out, pays and contributes nothing towards bills or household items and is resentful when asked if she can do so.
Long story short today was the day I will no longer allow her to talk to, yell at and disrespect me in my home. I put her and my grandchild out. Enough is enough. I tried to feel guilty, I’ve cried and now I‘m very worried about my grandchild but I’m done. She will not be allowed to come back.
I put her out at age 20 for stealing thousands of dollars from me. We were estranged for nearly two years. She was humble when she came back home and seemed to be willing to tow the line and abide by the expectations. She was good for a while, helpful, respectful, she was working… then she got pregnant. We worked thru the pregnancy and got real close and Covid help with us bonding. Baby came and the bond was stronger than ever and then 6 months after the baby was born we had the most ugly fight about her abandoning the baby to go stay in a hotel and our whole relationship changed after that and has not been the same. She constantly throws up everything she claims I’ve done to her since her birth. She constantly makes excuses for why her life is the way it is. She has adult tantrums when things don’t go her way, she stomps, slams, screams, breaks stuff.
She uses the baby to manipulate me and pretty much has taken contol of my house and life since she’s returned. I told after the blowout in March that she had to leave in September because I committed to helping her the first year of baby’s life. When September came she told she was NOT leaving and she refused to be homeless with a baby! I told he since she TOLD me she wasn’t leaving that to continue to live in my home there would be no more disrespect, she would get a job, save money and make an exit plan. She got a job, no exit plan, no money saved and she still disrespected me.
I could go on and on but today was the last straw. She talked to me like I was trash, like she doesn’t live here for FREE and like I’m not her mother and today was my breaking point. I didn’t want put her out especially with a child and I was willing to continue to help her with the baby and financially but not at the continued expense of the emotional, mental and physical abuse of me.
I read the detachment article and I’ve read other really things about dealing with adult child that fail to launch. The biggest thing I’ve had to realize in dealing with my adult child is that first… she is an adult, 2. I’m not responsible for her legally anymore or otherwise, 3. It’s her life and no matter how much I want for her I can’t want more for her than she does for herself, 4. Her decisions…HER LIFE! I have to sit in this, fully detach and be ok with my decisions. Not saying it will be easy but I’ve done the hardest part, saying no to the disrespectful treatment and not allowing this poison in my house anymore.
Needed to get this out, to know I’m not alone and that I did the right thing. Beyond T.I.R.E.D!
Peace,
Skool Teacher
