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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 765715" data-attributes="member: 18958">Beta. I am so sorry this hurts so much. I will tell you what I think and feel. That's all.I think it might make sense to go to Phoenix, but not because it would give you closure. I don't think there is closure. There is only letting go. But letting go comes from you, not Josh.Personally, I don't think there is ever closure with a child. To the extent there is, it comes from us, inside of us. You don't need to have Josh tell you he's done with you. Because what would that mean? It would only be words.He is not connected to himself. He is connected to the drug.The reason to go to Phoenix would be to as lms says, &quot;leave no stone unturned.&quot;Whatever Josh says or doesn't say, it's all in you.&nbsp; You have the wherewithal right now to give yourself a degree of peace.Also, your feeling &quot;he's done with us&quot; is just a feeling. He could be, but even, then, in a year, 6 months, whatever, he could change his mind. I think he must have a great deal of shame. He might also feel loss and sadness that he is separated from you but just want the drug.The thing is the Fentanyl. It is such a horrible and deadly drug that has stolen him away.&nbsp; All he knows is that he wants the drug. It seems he will pay any price. Even the loss of his family. but this doesn't mean he doesn't love and miss you. And need you. He feels he needs the drug, more.The freedom to not be emotionally tethered to him is in you. It can never be complete, but you can come to live in freedom. I have, most of the time. But that doesn't mean I am not afraid. I am very afraid.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 765715, member: 18958"] Beta. I am so sorry this hurts so much. I will tell you what I think and feel. That's all. I think it might make sense to go to Phoenix, but not because it would give you closure. I don't think there is closure. There is only letting go. But letting go comes from you, not Josh. Personally, I don't think there is ever closure with a child. To the extent there is, it comes from us, inside of us. You don't need to have Josh tell you he's done with you. Because what would that mean? It would only be words. He is not connected to himself. He is connected to the drug. The reason to go to Phoenix would be to as lms says, "leave no stone unturned." Whatever Josh says or doesn't say, it's all in you. You have the wherewithal right now to give yourself a degree of peace. Also, your feeling "he's done with us" is just a feeling. He could be, but even, then, in a year, 6 months, whatever, he could change his mind. I think he must have a great deal of shame. He might also feel loss and sadness that he is separated from you but just want the drug. The thing is the Fentanyl. It is such a horrible and deadly drug that has stolen him away. All he knows is that he wants the drug. It seems he will pay any price. Even the loss of his family. but this doesn't mean he doesn't love and miss you. And need you. He feels he needs the drug, more. The freedom to not be emotionally tethered to him is in you. It can never be complete, but you can come to live in freedom. I have, most of the time. But that doesn't mean I am not afraid. I am very afraid. [/QUOTE]

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