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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 739039" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>After so many years dealing with this, I often wonder where rock bottom is? My two seem to survive drilling to earths center.</p><p>Super stubborn, always right. Ugh. There is no discussion with her, anything contrary to what she wants to hear invokes a tirade.</p><p></p><p>I hope so too, Wish, but I have no expectations. Her sister is worried about retaliation when she gets out, that she will have a bigger chip on her shoulder. Hopefully this is not true, but it is possible that she will be more ornery than ever.</p><p></p><p> Indeed. Not giving up, just continuing to give in to any notion that I have the power to “fix” them. They have to want it for themselves. Rain is at the moment, not uncomfortable enough with her lifestyle to want different.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Love and hugs back at you Wish. Don’t ever apologize for “babbling”, I am the ace for that! I do so appreciate your thoughts and experiences.</p><p> Thanks Lil. I have not picked up her calls, since. I don’t need more of the same at this point!</p><p></p><p></p><p>Exactly, DoneDad. I am done listening to her for now.</p><p> This has been her way for a few years now. She is like an unrepentant, out of control, rebellious teenager.</p><p>My quote thingee isn’t working again...... I wanted to answer to the regret and shame Tornado must be feeling. I am hoping it is there beneath the drug haze, because if it isn’t, then there is something really, really, really amiss with her. I have often thought that her litany of repetitive excuses is stuffing down her part in all of this. Hopefully, she hasn’t buried her responsibility so deep as to lose all conscience? Is that drug driven, or evidence of a very sick mind? The answer won’t come until she is clean.</p><p> I think the big exercise here is to try as best can, not to make it <em>our suffering?</em> Maybe that is why we bend over backwards to try to “help”, because if our adult kids would just get on a good track, we would be more at ease. I think that is where they get to us, they must know how it pains us.</p><p> I am going to equate this suffering to plantar fasciitis, which hurts like the dickens when I first step out of bed, but eases as I walk on my heel. Each episode with my two is like that, it hurts, but as time goes by, I am finding ways to adjust my thinking and reaction. You guys help tremendously with that. And prayer. I have to think that these trials for my two are lessons. <em>They</em> have to figure out what they want in life.</p><p>It is a lesson for me, too. What do I want to focus on? What is my value and worth, irrespective of what my adult children choose? How far into their pain do I want to immerse myself. Then I have to wonder how much pain are they in, if they continue to choose poorly and reap these consequences? Am I transferring my pain, my feelings, on to what I perceive is theirs? </p><p>Doesn’t pain teach us to avoid whatever it is that causes it? As I mentioned earlier, their rock bottom seems to be an endless chasm. That is my interpretation of rock bottom for.......me. I can’t see living as they do, but they seem to just shrug it off.</p><p>So, why should I fall into a pit of suffering? What good is my downfall? It only causes me to lose precious time, and does nothing for them.</p><p>Now, I am blabbering.</p><p>But, I think what I am writing about is the enmeshment cycle with addicted loved ones. We get so caught up in what they are doing, their circumstances, consequences, how they are feeling, how we are feeling. Admittedly, I have a tinge of guilt over not answering Tornados calls, when I know it would be more of the same, that I am establishing boundaries that are essential to my own well being.</p><p>I am trying to channel my Dad. He wouldn’t put up with it. We had enough respect for him, not to go there. <em>He</em> <em>commanded</em> respect with his demeanor. It exuded from him, like an invisible force field.</p><p>Tornado will have to change her tune.</p><p>Thank you all for your support. It has helped me so very much. </p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 739039, member: 19522"] After so many years dealing with this, I often wonder where rock bottom is? My two seem to survive drilling to earths center. Super stubborn, always right. Ugh. There is no discussion with her, anything contrary to what she wants to hear invokes a tirade. I hope so too, Wish, but I have no expectations. Her sister is worried about retaliation when she gets out, that she will have a bigger chip on her shoulder. Hopefully this is not true, but it is possible that she will be more ornery than ever. Indeed. Not giving up, just continuing to give in to any notion that I have the power to “fix” them. They have to want it for themselves. Rain is at the moment, not uncomfortable enough with her lifestyle to want different. Love and hugs back at you Wish. Don’t ever apologize for “babbling”, I am the ace for that! I do so appreciate your thoughts and experiences. Thanks Lil. I have not picked up her calls, since. I don’t need more of the same at this point! Exactly, DoneDad. I am done listening to her for now. This has been her way for a few years now. She is like an unrepentant, out of control, rebellious teenager. My quote thingee isn’t working again...... I wanted to answer to the regret and shame Tornado must be feeling. I am hoping it is there beneath the drug haze, because if it isn’t, then there is something really, really, really amiss with her. I have often thought that her litany of repetitive excuses is stuffing down her part in all of this. Hopefully, she hasn’t buried her responsibility so deep as to lose all conscience? Is that drug driven, or evidence of a very sick mind? The answer won’t come until she is clean. I think the big exercise here is to try as best can, not to make it [I]our suffering?[/I] Maybe that is why we bend over backwards to try to “help”, because if our adult kids would just get on a good track, we would be more at ease. I think that is where they get to us, they must know how it pains us. I am going to equate this suffering to plantar fasciitis, which hurts like the dickens when I first step out of bed, but eases as I walk on my heel. Each episode with my two is like that, it hurts, but as time goes by, I am finding ways to adjust my thinking and reaction. You guys help tremendously with that. And prayer. I have to think that these trials for my two are lessons. [I]They[/I] have to figure out what they want in life. It is a lesson for me, too. What do I want to focus on? What is my value and worth, irrespective of what my adult children choose? How far into their pain do I want to immerse myself. Then I have to wonder how much pain are they in, if they continue to choose poorly and reap these consequences? Am I transferring my pain, my feelings, on to what I perceive is theirs? Doesn’t pain teach us to avoid whatever it is that causes it? As I mentioned earlier, their rock bottom seems to be an endless chasm. That is my interpretation of rock bottom for.......me. I can’t see living as they do, but they seem to just shrug it off. So, why should I fall into a pit of suffering? What good is my downfall? It only causes me to lose precious time, and does nothing for them. Now, I am blabbering. But, I think what I am writing about is the enmeshment cycle with addicted loved ones. We get so caught up in what they are doing, their circumstances, consequences, how they are feeling, how we are feeling. Admittedly, I have a tinge of guilt over not answering Tornados calls, when I know it would be more of the same, that I am establishing boundaries that are essential to my own well being. I am trying to channel my Dad. He wouldn’t put up with it. We had enough respect for him, not to go there. [I]He[/I] [I]commanded[/I] respect with his demeanor. It exuded from him, like an invisible force field. Tornado will have to change her tune. Thank you all for your support. It has helped me so very much. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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