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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 762690" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Hi Mirabelle,</p><p></p><p>I have been giving a lot of thought lately to the lack of motivation to change that our still young, though technically adult, kids experience.</p><p></p><p>It’s a well-known biological fact that boys, especially, don’t mature until they reach their mid to late twenties. Add drug abuse into the mix and it will probably take longer, since maturity doesn’t co-exist with all the partying and lifestyle of being high that our kids crave.</p><p></p><p>After my son’s three unsuccessful drug treatment attempts by the age of 21, (and I should add that one concern was his young age and not yet being mature), I have decided to let it go for awhile and allow him to experience the school of hard knocks.</p><p></p><p>My thinking is that I can continue to throw money at treatment, apartments, whatever, but until he gets closer to the age of maturity he’s not going to change because that young, underdeveloped, impulsive brain is still in control. And he may never reach maturity, this remains to be seen. </p><p></p><p>My hope is that by letting him experience the consequences of some of his choices by not jumping in and trying to save him, maturity might show up a little sooner. In any event it won’t happen until he is mentally as well as developmentally ready. So I am just wasting my time and money trying to “help“ him right now.</p><p></p><p>If I make an attempt to step in again, it will be when he is closer to his mid-twenties, or if he reaches out to me indicating he wants to change for the better. He is living in another state currently so I don’t have close contact at this time and it’s for the best, although his living situation is not. </p><p></p><p>This helps me in those moments when I question whether I’ve done enough or the right things. I kind of look at it like his immature brain is in control right now and I can’t change that, only time can.</p><p></p><p>It is so very hard to do, though. Hugs to you and everyone here who has to make these hard and painful decisions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 762690, member: 23742"] Hi Mirabelle, I have been giving a lot of thought lately to the lack of motivation to change that our still young, though technically adult, kids experience. It’s a well-known biological fact that boys, especially, don’t mature until they reach their mid to late twenties. Add drug abuse into the mix and it will probably take longer, since maturity doesn’t co-exist with all the partying and lifestyle of being high that our kids crave. After my son’s three unsuccessful drug treatment attempts by the age of 21, (and I should add that one concern was his young age and not yet being mature), I have decided to let it go for awhile and allow him to experience the school of hard knocks. My thinking is that I can continue to throw money at treatment, apartments, whatever, but until he gets closer to the age of maturity he’s not going to change because that young, underdeveloped, impulsive brain is still in control. And he may never reach maturity, this remains to be seen. My hope is that by letting him experience the consequences of some of his choices by not jumping in and trying to save him, maturity might show up a little sooner. In any event it won’t happen until he is mentally as well as developmentally ready. So I am just wasting my time and money trying to “help“ him right now. If I make an attempt to step in again, it will be when he is closer to his mid-twenties, or if he reaches out to me indicating he wants to change for the better. He is living in another state currently so I don’t have close contact at this time and it’s for the best, although his living situation is not. This helps me in those moments when I question whether I’ve done enough or the right things. I kind of look at it like his immature brain is in control right now and I can’t change that, only time can. It is so very hard to do, though. Hugs to you and everyone here who has to make these hard and painful decisions. [/QUOTE]
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